


My Memories Came Back In the Form of Someone Else

by Alexilulu



Series: Time Can Never Kill the True Heart [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood and Violence, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Heavy Angst, Introspection, Trans Aqua, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Terra
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-10 13:24:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17426714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexilulu/pseuds/Alexilulu
Summary: Freed from the darkness, Aqua's first thought is to ensuring Ventus' safety in the depths of Castle Oblivion. Returning through the castle she grew up in, she finds old memories and new problems. One of them is named Terra.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a big old chunk of emo for y'all today! Ever since I wrote [What to Do In The Land of Departure When You're Mourning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16605287) I've been thinking about their life under Master Eraqus, growing into their roles and watching the other do the same. A lot of character study stuff in the form of seeing the bits of the reconfigured Land of Departure castle remade into Castle Oblivion by the mechanism designed to protect it, with Aqua's own personal flair for magic included.

In the end, Aqua always knew she would come home again someday. Would that it had been under better circumstances. After everything, the failure and the fall and succumbing, hearing Ven’s voice in the mouth of the boy from the Destiny Islands, clawing her way out of the deepest pits of the Realm of Darkness, the transformed castle still stands as it had the day she left it. A tomb, a monument, a maze of her own design. Sora, sweet as he is, tried to accompany her here, but she managed to get him to focus on other tasks, with Mickey’s help. Later on, Mickey related the real story behind why he was so fanatical about convincing Sora to go elsewhere. The story of Castle Oblivion, of the beginnings of the Organization and a girl named Naminé. Deep down somewhere in her heart, Aqua’s sure that she feels awful to find that her creation meant to protect Ven had been used to hurt Sora so deeply, and yet...

 _Get out of your own head, Aqua. You don’t have all the time in the world anymore._ She pushes herself forward and moves through the massive entrance into the castle, entering the stark white foyer and trying to steady herself. This place feels exactly as it should, but...not. Exactly as she remembers it, but somehow wrong. Have the years changed her creation as much as they have changed her? She sees herself in the pearlescent material of a column, steely blue hair turned almost fully white by the surface, worry lines and exhaustion drawn deep on her skin. She looks away with a shudder, heading for the stairwell and pushing through the double doors that lead upward. It’s a perfect replica of the central stairwell of the castle she was raised in, the only home she remembers.

For as long as she cares to remember, she lived in the Land of Departure with Master Eraqus. With Terra. The first time she climbed these stairs, she cried her eyes out. Leaving behind her life after being chosen by the Keyblade had been terrifying. But...Terra stood by her side and, with little more than a hand on her shoulder and a quiet word, had calmed her down. There was something about his voice, then, quavering in a way that said he understood Aqua’s feelings but wanted to be strong. She’s still not sure if he was trying to be strong for her, or for himself.

She hopes that she’ll get the chance to ask him, someday.

* * *

Terra is hopelessly lost and he knows it. One would assume being party to Xemnas’ body during all the planning for the attempt to take over Castle Oblivion and its secrets would have given him some insight into the layout, but no, it really doesn’t work out like that. Every stark white hall looks the same to him, the motif of chains worked into the very stonework reminding him of his own imprisonment.

There’s something about this castle. He can’t put his finger on it, but it’s definitely familiar. Something about the architecture, the distance between doors in the hallways, the feeling of the stone under his feet. It can’t be, obviously, but...it feels like home, like the Land of Departure. He hadn’t ever given it a bit of thought until now, but...what became of home? Without Master...it was supposed to be the seat of power for the Keyblade Masters of the world, but he knows all too well now how thoroughly he fucked _that_ up. 11 years of watching Xehanort’s plan get foiled by Aqua (oh, how he cheered for her victory until the moment he realized that she was saving _him_ and not _her_ ) and unfoiled by Xehanort’s thirst for the power of the heart and darkness itself. The worst punishment in the world is watching how your failures have irrevocably destroyed the lives of others across countless worlds. Terra earned that. Is this just a new manifestation of it, then, a walk through the last place he ever called home?

Walking down a hallway identical to the last dozen he’s gone down, Terra pauses as he passes an alcove, an unwelcome sight caught out of the corner of the eye. A full length mirror hangs in the recess, the frame brilliant gold that stands out so starkly against the white of the walls. Looking at himself in it, Terra realizes with a start that it’s identical to a mirror that had hung in the entryway to the student’s halls in the Land of Departure. One he once avoided so readily early in his time under Master Eraqus, when he couldn’t stand to see what he was becoming. Before he and Aqua looked for help. His hair is as long as it had been then, cascading down to between his shoulders, harsh silver standing out against the black coat and replacing the rich brown he once knew.

“11 years and no time for a trim, apparently, huh?” Terra chuckles to himself. Manifesting his keyblade in one hand, Terra reaches up and gathers his hair in the other and rips the blade through it all, messily shearing years of growth away with a single stroke. Once it falls to the floor, it blends so easily into the white hallway that he can barely see it. Running a gloved hand through his newly-shortened hair, he smiles. He always did feel better after a haircut. Then he remembers the look on Aqua’s face when she walked out into the hallway to find him with a pair of scissors in front of this same mirror, snipping away haphazardly at his hair until it felt right. She helped clean up the mess he made after that, both of his scalp and the pile of hair matted into the carpet. He smiles wider after that, sighing. That was a good memory.

“C’mon, Terra.” He shakes his head, laughing at himself under his breath. “You’re here for a reason, not sightseeing.” Besides, he should know better. Mickey ( _King_ Mickey, apparently) warned him what this place was like, though Xemnas’ memories tell him that just as well. It’s just more memory bullshit designed to trip him up, make him waste time and lose himself instead of finding Ventus.

Still, though. As he walks away from the mirror, boots scattering silver threads into the air with every step, he can’t help but feel like he wouldn’t mind having Aqua fix this hackjob up again if she’ll look him in the eye again after everything that’s happened.

* * *

On a landing several floors up, Aqua pauses. She knows the way to the Chamber is down the hall, but...she looks back over her shoulder, at a peculiar door set back in the wall just slightly, the ancient wood standing out remarkably against the all-white architecture of the castle. She knows exactly what lies inside that door, hasn’t been in it since long before their Mark of Mastery exam. _I’m pressed for time. I don’t need to waste energy on the past_. And yet, she turns and throws the door wide open, travelling back 15 years in a single step.

The Land of Departure had ever been a bastion for Keyblade Masters of old, a gathering place administrated by the acknowledged Master above all masters. At the height of their power, the castle had servants aplenty, to ensure that said Masters were fed and had their every need attended to, to focus on the balance of light and darkness. By the time of Master Eraqus, though, the castle was more a symbol than anything else. As the only Master to speak of (Yen Sid long since retired, Master Xehanort wandering the worlds at his whim), there was no real need for any staff, and they had long since retired or passed in any case. So when Aqua and Terra were brought here, as young as they were, they were forced to find new ways to entertain themselves in this strange place, with their strange new friend. Master never came here, never betrayed any knowledge of the place. It was solely theirs, a secret place to be themselves.

The room was once the head servant’s quarters, a small bed in the corner with a desk next to it, a small table in the center of the room for meals with two seats pulled up to it. The entire room is a mess, a thick layer of dust covering two piles of clothes on the beds and everything spread out on the table, a bound and locked journal surrounded by scraps of yellowing paper covered in drawings and scribbles, a pair of battered and beaten-looking training swords without any adornment (after Terra showed an aptitude for whittling and the simpler carpentry techniques, they both graduated to wooden training Keyblades of their own), and a stack of plates and utensils filched from the kitchen.

It took them a lot of time to get used to each other. Terra found the room first, and after Aqua’s help with The Hallway Haircut, he allowed her into his ‘innermost sanctum’ as he frequently referred to it. What it amounted to at the time was a bed that didn’t feel as stiff as their own and a place to read much less boring literature plucked from the castle library. It took her another month from that first invitation to come back to it for the second time. The first thing she did once she walked in the room was to ask Terra if he wanted to be a boy. The hesitant ‘yes’ was all she needed to reveal her own secret in turn.

Both of them agreed to keep each other’s secret from Master, until they were ready to face that problem head-on. Both of them admitted their worst fear: that this, their desire for a gender that was not their own, was a flaw of the heart, something that could disqualify a prospective Keyblade Master from advancement. Master’s books spoke often of the balance between light and darkness, the flaws of heart that could bring about a surfeit of darkness or a deficiency in light. Neither of them was ready to confront that possibility yet. After all, how could you become a Master when you’re less than perfect? Oh, if only she had known then.

And so their secret place became equal parts hideout and sanctuary. They hung out more, talking about training and what Master’s words truly meant (Terra mostly agreed with her here, and she’s never been sure if he truly did agree with her back then or simply couldn’t follow it enough to find anything to disagree with her about), practicing their fundamentals outside of Master’s supervision and getting many a bruise for their trouble, and sneaking meals whenever they could. Master made no particular restrictions to their diet beyond common sense, understanding that between their training and their age they would both need a prodigious amount of food to keep themselves fed and growing properly. Naturally, both of them ate voraciously whenever they could, simple meals constructed of whatever they could find.

Terra never could keep up with her appetite, though. Even after they transitioned, she always got seconds long before him. Master hardly ever asked if she wanted them, either (secretly, she thinks he was just pleased that she enjoyed his cooking so much). Terra always joked about where it all went, and her answer was always ‘my sparkling personality’.

Pulling one of the ancient chairs back, Aqua sits down in front of the journal. The lock... _what were you thinking, Aqua? Trying to lock out a Keyblade Master is like trying to cage a breeze._ Manifesting Master’s Defender in her hand and tapping it to the rusted metal, Aqua opens the now-unlocked book and sighs wistfully to herself. She never had shown any aptitude for art. But, turning the page, neither did Terra, either. Here, they kept their darkest secrets. Not very dark, at that age, but dark enough to make the both of them worry that they were being somehow wrong. They invented stories, telling them to one another via the journal or recording their argued interpretation of the same within. Stories of people like them, heroic and tragic in equal measure more often than not. Aspirational, either way. They dreamed of what their lives would be like, if their dream came true. And...towards the back, stuck in from another sheaf of paper is a yellowing page covered in names considered and discarded for each of them. In the center of the page and circled several times sit the names Terra and Aqua. Not particularly subtle as far as symbolism goes, but it worked for them. They felt right.

Aqua closes the book, relocking it and standing. From there, it was only a matter of time until they started wishing they could be these selves they dreamed of so fervently. Master took them out to other worlds on occasion, both as an object lesson of the places they would be protecting but also because the Land of Departure could not sustain itself on its own, though Master did his best to grow enough food to feed them. Mostly, though, their trips related to keeping the two of them in clothes that fit. Master could be many things, and a thoughtful caretaker was definitely included, but he couldn’t become a clothier on top of a teacher on top of a parental figure. So, he generally gave them the local currency and allowed them whatever seemed reasonable.

So, naturally, they started trading clothes. Spread out across the bed in front of her are their swap piles. Never anything the other had worn more than once, and never in front of Master unless it was suitably androgynous enough to mask its origins. And, of course, buying clothes for someone else is an imperfect science, and alterations had to be made constantly. Aqua got a lot of questions about the bandages on her fingertips back then, but somehow always had a good excuse on the tip of her tongue to hide her newfound seamstress role. Terra was always thankful. Terra was thankful of most things she did for him, actually, starting almost immediately from the day she cleaned up that auburn mop he left himself with after his date with the scissors in the hallway. He returned the favor whenever he could, be it backing up little white lies or filching an after-dinner midnight snack from the kitchen for her.

Turning away from the bed, something on the table catches Aqua’s eye. It must have been hidden under one of the papers she disturbed, much less dusty than its surroundings, gleaming in the dim light cast into the room from the still-open door. Picking it up and turning it over in her hands, she realizes exactly what it is, who left it here. It wasn’t Terra, it wasn’t her.

It was Master Eraqus. He left a chess piece here, a white king made of well-worn metal. After they told him, in the whirlwind of activity that followed, they never ended up needing the secret place again. Once or twice, Terra talked to Aqua about it, but she never went back. Master must have visited after, then, for everything else to be untouched. She remembers how much Eraqus valued the game of chess, something he used as a bonding point with his fellow apprentice oh so long ago. Was this a nod of mutual understanding, then? Was chess their secret, then, or does the piece hold significance in some other way? Closing her hand over it, Aqua sighs. _There are no answers here, anymore. Master is gone. All there is here are questions and problems left behind for us. For me. The only Keyblade Master left._ Aqua laughs once, a hollow sound that echoes in the room as she leaves it, shutting the door on all those memories again behind her.

* * *

Okay, _fuck_ this castle. Terra’s positive he’s walked through the same hallway a dozen times, and it’s led to different places every fucking time. And different memories, too. So much of this castle feels like it was lifted from his memories of apprenticeship under Master Eraqus. The tile in the side entranceway he scrubbed clean of mud so many times after one outdoor lesson or another, the dining room Aqua and Terra ate together at when Master was busy, the old _dojo_ they used for sparring before they graduated to magic use during duels and moved out to the formal training grounds outside. This castle is littered with the detritus of their lives under Master, moments preserved in amber by someone, he doesn’t know who.

Or...he has a sneaking suspicion, but is afraid to confirm it. He’s not ready to see her again yet.

All he knows is that it’s starting to get to him. In his purgatory inside Xehanort’s heart, Terra had plenty of time to reflect on his failures as an apprentice with the demented Master’s help. His impulsiveness that Master Eraqus always tried to temper into something usable, that he resisted at every turn. Duty and desire warred in his heart, and even with Aqua’s help in counseling caution and forethought, he was always the first one to jump to action, no matter what. Quick to judge and resistant to change...not the most stellar combination of personality traits for a prospective Keyblade Master. Master Eraqus knew, and loved him despite it all, was determined to show Terra the right path. And...he couldn’t.

Terra sees everything he’s done wrong, every little flaw. 11 years alone lets you drill down on those mistakes, find the deepest root of them and...do nothing about it but agonize over how best to punish yourself for them. If you don’t even have a body that is truly yours, how can you correct your mistakes? That’s why he went running for Ven the moment he woke up back in his own body. Whatever happened to give him control back, he’s never giving it up. Not ever. So he pushes ahead, ascending another set of stairs and hoping they bring him closer to his friend. This is just the first step towards penance, he can’t falter now. Throwing open the double doors at the top of the next floor, every thought flies from his heart as he takes in the room before him.

It’s the audience hall from the Land of Departure, perfectly recreated as it had been in gleaming white stone. And sitting in the center seat as he always had is a statue of Master Eraqus in grey granite, Master’s Defender laid across his lap. Terra takes a shaky breath, stepping into the room and crossing it in long strides until he is at the bottom of the steps up to the podium, getting down on both his knees and bowing his head.

He was looking for a first step for what to do about his failures, and surely enough, it found him.

“Master…” Terra starts, at a loss for words. He stares down at the floor, at his hands balled into fists on his knees. “I...I’m sorry. An apology will never be enough for what I’ve done. The damage I’ve caused to the worlds...I won’t let that be the end of it. My second chance to atone for what I did won’t be wasted.” He doesn’t try to stop himself from crying, tears rolling freely down his face and spattering off his coat like rain. “I’ll honor you until the day I die. I’ll show everyone that Master Eraqus’ teachings didn’t fail his apprentices.”

“Thank you, Terra. You were both very brave.” Master Eraqus’ voice echoes in the room, startling Terra into looking up at the lifeless statue. “I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t share this with me until now. I know that my teachings can be...inflexible, at times. In this, I have failed you, and for that I am deeply sorry.” _Where is his voice coming from?_ Terra looks everywhere, but the cavernous room is empty save for him and the statue. “As an apprentice, I too felt your fear, the worry that I was somehow inadequate for the demands placed upon me. That the feelings that filled my heart placed me beyond saving. But my master saw that in me, and taught me a most important lesson. One I would impart to you.”

“Master, what are you saying?” Terra chokes out, just the presence of Master’s voice in his ears too much to keep him from sobbing openly.

“You have every right to seek the lives you wish, my apprentices. This is not a failure on your part, a dark desire. The circumstances of our birth are not ours to control, but our hearts will tell us the truth of the matter. You will not be the first people in the world to yearn for something outside yourself, nor, I hope, will you be the last. Light and darkness are ways of acting, to bring about those feelings of joy and hope or sorrow and anger in the world with your words and deeds. But your desire, the yearning in your chest, is solely of the heart. If those are your ways of acting, your heart is your way of _being_ , and none can deny you the right to exist as you wish. In ancient times, there was a saying among the Keyblade Masters of the time. ‘May your heart ever be your guiding key’. I pray that you remember it, even should I no longer be there for you when doubt and fear reach your hearts once more.”

It’s then, when the voice of Master Eraqus falls silent once more and leaves only the sound of his weeping to echo in the room, that Terra realizes what’s going on. How oh so long ago, he and Aqua knelt in the same place he does now, begging Master to accept them for who they wanted to be and not who they were now. His speech to them, then, and his promise to stand beside them no matter what may come. Of the former master turned wizard who he would call upon to their aid. In the whirlwind of activity after, preparing for their transition and the excitement that consumed him after, he had forgotten Master’s words entirely in some deep crevice of his mind until this moment.

 _May your heart be your guiding key. Maybe that’s all I can do, now. Even if I doubt the strength of my heart, it’s all I have left._ Wiping his eyes, Terra climbs to his feet, approaching the statue.

“Thank you, Master. I won’t forget again.” Slowly, hesitantly, he reaches out a hand, touching Master’s face, etching the kindly smile on his face back into his memory. It’s the same smile he had when both Aqua and Terra broke down crying with relief that Master had said yes all those years ago. “I’ll never forget it.”

* * *

Coming up the stairs, Aqua realizes that she’s not the only person in the castle. Someone’s been in the audience hall, the choke point between the castle and it’s hidden depths, where the Chamber of Waking waits with the most preciously guarded parts of the old castle. Aqua charges up the remaining stairs, keyblade flashing into her hand with a burst of light. The audience hall is empty, Master Eraqus’ memorial undisturbed in his seat. Panting, she leaves Master’s Defender in her hand, eyeing the room warily and trying to calm down.

If anyone has truly penetrated so deeply into the castle, they’ve been subject to the defenses of the castle, stripping away memories with every floor ascended until they have nothing left but the faintest glimmerings of a personality. The only reason that she hasn’t been affected is that she designed the defense herself, the last ward over Ventus’ heart. If they make it to the Chamber, they won’t have enough memories left to know what they’re even doing there, let alone who Ventus is or how to get back out again. Consigned to an oblivion of their own making.

But...one thing worries her. She wrote a clause into the spell for Ventus and Terra, too. Just in case, should the worst happen, that Terra could reach him, or if Ventus awoke on his own he could escape the castle unscathed. Vanitas jumps to her mind, a being of Ventus’ heart could slip past the defense as easily as the true Ventus could.

Or...Xehanort. He took Terra’s body, locked his heart within himself before that fateful moment in the darkness. He could get in just as easily as Terra could, if he’s still in control. He held Terra’s body for so long, could he have figured out the truth of Castle Oblivion’s origin without her help and gone in?

 _Has this all been for nothing?_ Is she too late to save both of the people she loves, just as she was too late to protect Master? She looks down, searching for any sign of passage, praying in her heart that she isn’t too late again. Her greatest regret was not being able to find some way, _any_ way to save Terra from Xehanort’s possession without abandoning Ventus to Vanitas’ control. _She_ was the Master, it was her responsibility to thread the needle and protect everyone. She couldn’t help Master, couldn’t stop Terra from losing his control, but she could have done...something. Anything.

Here. Her boot splashes in a small puddle on the stone floor. Stooping, she touches the scant drops of water, frowning. It...who left this? Were they...crying? She stands, crossing to Master’s statue. _If they were crying, they...maybe he’s back. Maybe he defeated Xehanort’s control. Or...no. It could be anything._ Here, too, she finds water, dripping down Master’s cheek. Almost exactly as if the statue itself had been crying, running down from the corner of his eye.

What had Master’s last moments been like? Terra had said that he was going to hurt Ven, but...why? Because he was the component for the x-blade? Master Eraqus understood the stakes, but could that really be the only solution? The only way he could find to safeguard the light...this couldn’t be it. Her choice to hide Ven was born of desperation, not careful thought. How could that have been the only solution?

 _Still so many questions I’ll never get answers to._ Aqua pulls her hand away from Master’s memorial, looking down at his Keyblade in her hand. “Sorry, Master, but I need this just a while longer. I promise I’ll be back soon to return it.”

“The Keyblade does not make a Master, Aqua.” Master Eraqus’ voice fills the room. “To be named Master is an honor, but a Master is not a title chosen by the Keyblade. Mastery is judged by the content of character and your devotion to your duty, not the tool you wield, powerful though it may be. In time, when you are older, perhaps you will understand.”

“Master? I don’t understand...” Aqua’s hand raises to her chest, gripping Master’s symbol tightly and trying to still the roar of blood in her ears, her own heart beating triple time at the unexpected memory surfacing now. _Is the castle trying to speak to me through Master?_

“In ancient times, Keyblade Masters were many, and the individual duty each held was light. I fear that I am leaving you two an unenviable burden, even if both of you prove yourselves able. To be named Master, you must show unshakable will and an unconquerable spirit to walk the path between light and darkness. But you are still human, nonetheless, and standing alone is simply too great a burden. Apprentices are trained in pairs or trios for precisely this reason. By forging a bond of mutual trust and goodwill during training, you both bear the burden together and become stronger for it.” Aqua can remember this lesson, a private one just before the Mark of Mastery exam. He put his hand on her shoulder then, and smiled in a way that always did put her at ease. “Terra can be brash, impulsive even. But he means well, and the light in his heart always seems to shine through, don’t you think?”

Aqua agreed then. She’s...not sure if she still agrees now. She wants to, badly. If...if she made it through her time in the darkness intact, for the most part, then. Is it too much to hope that Terra did, too?

 _If it’s him, then I’ll know. If not...then I’ll drag Xehanort out of him, no matter what. No more dawdling._ With one last lingering look at Master’s smile to calm herself, Aqua moves past the seats, through the hidden door behind them that had already been pushed open by another.

* * *

Terra knows he’s getting closer. He can tell because the castle is showing him things, it has to be. Every room he moves through echoes with the voice of Master, telling stories and delivering lessons in equal measure. His dining room, where they ate a formal dinner every week to go over their training and demonstrate their knowledge, echoes with his laughter. The study where he stored his documents is resoundingly silent but for the scratching of a quill, the half-heard mutterings of a man deep in thought. Every bit of Master’s presence in their lives is catalogued and recorded in this secret place, protected from the rest of the castle. All the best parts of him, the joy and the love and the sincere wish for his apprentices to flourish as Masters and as people both.

Is the castle tormenting him, having seen how he reacted to Master’s memorial and piled more upon him? Or is this simply circumstance, the mysterious creator of the castle drawing upon every bit of Master’s life, and by extension his and Aqua’s? Ugh. It’s getting to him, frustrating and stressing him to no end to hear the voice of Master sound so happy, so carefree.

Everywhere he goes dredges up old memories he thought gone. Here, the day he made Aqua laugh so hard when he tried to draw abs on his stomach that she fell off her chair at breakfast and gave herself a bloody nose on the edge of the table (she forgave him, eventually). There, the first time she complimented his voice after it cracked, making him blush and turn away, and the time he complimented the gentle roundness her face had taken on after they started their transition and meant it with all his heart. She reacted with more grace than he had, at least. He kept to himself his other thoughts, the beauty of the curve and length of her neck as she grew and grew and grew, the joy he felt watching the hard angles of her body soften and shift from lines to curves. He never really knew how to word it without sounding either like he’s making fun of her or simply too crass for words.

Terra never did tell her how he felt, did he. How do you just say _that_ to the person you spend every waking hour of the day with, endlessly? Did she even feel it, the way that his gaze lingered on her, the unconscious way that he tried to soften his tone for her in private? Ventus knew, heckled him to no end for it. He would always just shove Terra and shout ‘JUST TELL HER’ when they were alone but, it’s far too late now.

Purely as if to torment him, the distant voice of Master Eraqus can be heard bouncing through the hallway, laughing uproariously at something or other. He smothers the spike of anger before it can grow, exhaling it out like smoke. He’s gotten pretty good at that. He did have a long time to practice, after all. Ignoring the ringing laughter, Terra moves to the end of the hall, pausing before the door at the very end of it. He knows this exact spot in the Land of Departure.

It’s the apprentice’s quarters. His, Aqua and Ventus’ rooms, at the very end of the hall (Ventus won the corner room one year on a dare to skinny-dip in the reflection pool in the garden; Terra and Aqua had met eyes then and silently agreed to let him have it). His room sits on his right, Aqua’s on the left. Even rebuilt in the stark white of Castle Oblivion, he would recognize them anywhere. Terra’s sure more than anything he’s ever been sure of in his life that Ven is in his room, waiting for him. And yet…

“Don’t move.” Terra freezes when he hears a voice he hasn’t heard in 11 years behind him, the cold metal of a Keyblade pressed to the back of his neck. “Turn around, slowly.”

* * *

The first time Aqua sees Terra’s body in 11 years, and it’s with her keyblade pressed to his throat. He turns slowly as ordered, his face coming into view from shadow. Brown eyes that aren’t Terra’s, a shock of poorly-cut, stark-white hair sticking every which way from the back of his head. This isn’t truly him, is it? It’s Xehanort, gloating over his victory at the finish line and getting caught in the act. But...there’s something about those eyes, a glint of something human in them unlike the pitiless look he had when Xehanort had control. Is he fighting, then? But he still wears the black coat of the Organization, hugging every line of his body. What is going on?

“Aqua...What happened to you?” He starts to reach out a black-gloved hand, but stops when Aqua presses the blade of Master’s Defender into his throat harder, drawing a thin line of blood. His voice is wrong, too rich and dark with something unnameable to be Terra’s. “You’re here. That’s what matters.”

“Don’t bother, Xehanort.” Aqua steps forward, and he steps back, back pressed to Ventus’ door, the door into the Chamber of Waking. “I’m not stupid enough to forget the last time you tried to manipulate me with Terra’s body.” This can’t be him. How could it? He’s been locked away in Xehanort’s heart for 11 years, how could anyone survive that intact?

Xehanort winces, the blade digging into his neck. “Aqua, I’m not lying! I’ll prove it! We grew up together, ask me anything, I’ll tell y—”

“After you just waltzed through all the memories of our life together? Not a chance. You don’t get to twist this into my memories versus yours, not here, not when you’ve had Terra’s body to steal everything from him for so long!” She withdraws the blade and advances, pressing the length of the key to his throat and getting up in his face. For the first time, Aqua realizes she’s looking _down_ at him. When did that change? “I’m through with your mind games. I’ll rip that black heart of yours from his body and burn it to nothing! Just watch me.”

Disbelief mingles with fear in his features. “Aqua…” He gasps, struggling for breath. “This isn’t you. Please...don’t.”

The gall to beg for his life with Terra’s face, with that twisted voice. Aqua growls in fury, striking him with the pommel across the face.

“Shut _up_ and—” Aqua is cut off by a fist to her stomach knocking the wind out of her, driving her back a step. Just far enough away for him to slip past her, circling back in the hallway and cornering her in the dead end.

“Enough!” Xehanort shouts. “You can’t be her, you’re just another apparition of this castle, another trick to drive me away!” Terra’s keyblade manifests in his hand, and he steps into a combat stance, his keyblade held high by his ear and angled point-first at Aqua’s heart, the tip steady as stone. “I won’t let you stop me here, keep me from Ventus!”

Aqua doesn’t give herself time to question his words, leaping forward in a single bound to strike— Nothing? Xehanort is gone in a flash, dodging her blow without even the slightest hint in his body language that he had intended to do anything but block. He moves faster than Terra ever had been capable of, flickering into her blind spot and assuming that same stance before striking like a viper. She pirouettes back, casting tracers of magic haphazardly about her to cover her retreat and forcing him to finally block by more of them cast towards him.

Summoning more magical fire around her, Aqua leaps back into the offensive, the spells striking to cover his angles of retreat so she can hit him properly this time. Aqua’s overhand strike lands against his high guard, the steel bucking from the impact as fire scorches the hallway around them. He doesn’t budge, utterly unmoving and still even in his expression. That’s not Terra, he _loved_ dueling, couldn’t resist crowing whenever he stopped her offensives with brute force. With a roar of effort, he breaks their deadlock and strikes Aqua’s blade with crushing force, throwing her back a step as he chases with a bone-rattling blow of his own. She reacts on instinct to his strike, angling her block away and using the force of the strike to carry her backflip away from him, giving her time to think.

A spark of something she thought long-dead flares in her chest before she crushes it under the weight of her anger. This is _Xehanort_ , not Terra, as much as it might feel otherwise. _I won’t_ enjoy _this, fighting the man who has drowned so many worlds in darkness._ Down that road, the road of dreaming of Terra’s easy smile he always gave after a good exchange during their duels, lies despair. And she won’t fall down there again. Not ever. Even if he fights so very much like the man she loved so long ago.

 _I’ve let this charade go on long enough._ Turning her backflip away into a cartwheel, Aqua raises her blade over her head, summoning a flare of brightest flame and locking eyes with Xehanort. The shock on his face might actually be priceless. Sensing the end of the fight, he charges forward in long strides, his Keyblade raised up in that high guard as he closes the gap. He seems even faster, now, flickering up the hallway. With every second he moves faster, faster, far too fast for her to guard against his own final strike.

And then she sees the look in his eyes, the wrong color but utterly unmistakable.

_No, no no no no, release the spell, let it go, I can’t—_

The world burns as the flare of fire devours the hallway around them. Terra’s blade at her throat doesn’t burn. Neither does Terra, that look of regret and relief that back on his face. A look she saw when he admitted what he had done, the horrible crime he could never step back from. It’s Terra. It’s Terra, it’s Terra, it really is him, real and whole and safe. The worlds can burn for all she could care in this moment, because Xehanort wouldn’t have hesitated to kill her where she stood when she opened her guard as she did. But Terra wouldn’t.

Neither of them speaks, each of their Keyblades at each other’s throat. What do you say to the man you sacrificed yourself to save, only to find out you doomed him to the same awful fate you took on, of imprisonment and despair and punishment and defeat? How can she communicate all she’s been through, how can she begin to understand how Terra was changed by his own experience? What happened to him? How have those 11 years been for him, trapped alone in a monster’s heart?

In unison, their Keyblades fall to the floor with a clatter of metal on stone. Terra takes her face in both hands and kisses her with all his might, Aqua grabbing fistfuls of his coat and pulling him up to meet her. It’s not enough. It’s _not enough_ . His hands fall to her shoulders and grip her so tightly that it feels like he’s trying to break her collarbone and she wants _more_ . To feel, to touch and be touched, to scream and claw him _bloody and shout at the top of her lungs—_

What? No, _no,_ this is _Terra_ , she should be happy! He’s free! But she’s not, that burning anger in her heart when she saw his face has only grown hotter, threatening to belch out of her and consume this moment in fury. _How long has he been free? What else have you done I don’t know about, Terra? Have you strayed again? How much longer will you stay? I need you to stay, Terra, don’t run._ She grunts against his mouth as he continues to kiss her greedily, shoving him back against a wall and slamming him into it. He finally stops kissing her then, wide-eyed and smiling and ecstatic until he can see the look on her face, her fury and upset and fear mingling into a mask of regret. She pulls him back and slams him against the wall again, strangling a sob.

“Aqua? Aqua, stop.” Terra closes his hands over hers and pulls her away from him, holding her at arm’s length.

“Why? So you can run away again? Go find another world to doom?” Aqua tears herself from his grip, turning away and trying to stifle her utter rage at him. She shouldn’t be this mad, this is a reunion after so long, but...11 years in the dark with Terra’s descent, his crime fresh upon her mind to turn over and over again in her head. 11 years to be tormented by the darkness itself for failing to stop him, to live up to her title of Master. For failing to stop her own fall.

“Aqua, stop. You don’t have to do this.” Terra says weakly from behind her.

“You’re WRONG!” She whirls on him, clenching her teeth to stop herself from striking him again. “You’re wrong, I do have to. I’m the Master here, this is my duty. Terra, you fell to darkness and I couldn’t save you! Your actions kicked off the worst thing to happen to so many worlds since the Keyblade War fractured them!”

“ _You think I don’t know that?!”_ Terra roars, hitting the wall behind him in directionless fury. “I saw everything! Every waking moment of Xehanort’s plot, turning Radiant Garden into a factory for the Heartless, the experiments on children, figuring out how to steal the hearts of entire _worlds_ , and I couldn’t do a thing to stop it!” He seethes, his hands shaking until he balls them into fists against his thighs, staring down at the floor. Tears splatter the floor under his feet, falling in a cascade from him. “I failed everyone. I failed Ven, I failed you. I...I failed Master. His worst student did all this.”

“Shut up. You think you’re the only one to blame? I failed Master, too! I was supposed to be the one looking after you, helping you find the path back to the light! I could have stopped you, if only—”

Terra slams his fist into the wall again, leaving a cracked crater in his wake. “You couldn’t have stopped me! I thought I was fine, I turned away from everyone! So eager to please, so blind to Xehanort’s darkness!” Terra slides down the wall, holding his head in his hands as he falls into a crouch. “I watched the light fade from Master’s eyes, and I was so _utterly_ sure that I had made the right choice. I know now how wrong I was, how I played into his hands, but protecting Ven meant more than anything else in the world.”

“Terra…” Aqua reaches out, but he pulls away from her, shrinking inwards and hugging his knees to his chest.

“We should have listened to Ven.” _No, no no. Terra, don’t. Please._ “You saving me from the darkness wasn’t worth it. If you’d let me fall, at least you would have been safe. You could have rallied a defense for wherever Xehanort turned up next. I should have died. It would have been better.”

Aqua clenches the hand she had reached out to him with, taking an involuntary step backwards. Terra’s words doused the fury in her heart as surely as a tsunami. The darkest, most selfish thought she ever harbored at the depths of her despair, and _he wished she had done it_. Oh, Terra. Selfless Terra, ready to give anything for the people he loves. You shouldn’t have been made to bear this. All three of them, none of them deserved to be forced to think their death would have saved their loved ones, made someone else’s life better.

After 11 years without a single tear, Aqua falls to her knees and sobs for Terra, for Ventus, for herself. For Master. The fury in her heart has turned to ash in her mouth. How could she ever feel that much hate for Terra, as much a victim as any of them? Master Eraqus was right. The world he left them was too much a burden, and separated from one another they were forced to stand alone, bearing a burden too large for any one person. Only now can they begin to stand again, to lift each other’s weight together.

Aqua feels like she’s still falling apart, even freed from the darkness’ grip. The experience changed her in ways she still can barely understand, turned the edge she once thought brilliantly sharp into a fragile, brittle blade. She’s afraid what will happen if she loses control again, will what little she has left crumble into nothing? She has to stay strong. For herself as much as for Terra, for Ventus.

“I don’t know if I can hold on, Terra.” Aqua chokes out between sobs, burying her face in her hands. “It’s so much. How could we be the last line against the darkness like this?” When his hand touches her shoulder, she scrabbles back in the hallway to the opposite wall, animal fear pounding in her chest, eyes wide. She regrets it instantly, seeing the wounded look in Terra’s red-rimmed eyes.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Aqua. I should go. I’ve hurt you enough for one lifetime.” Terra rises from his crouch, turning to walk away until Aqua grabs his hand and pulls him back down next to her.

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me. Please.” Aqua manages, gulping for air and squeezing his hand with all her might. This time, when Terra pulls her to his chest she doesn’t flinch, doesn’t recoil. The only place she’s ever felt safe in the world is with Terra beside her, her rock in every sense of the word. Ever since that day in the entrance hall, he has been nothing but a loving, steady presence for her. She loves him more than anything else in all the worlds. She had forgotten, so eaten up by the darkness’ influence on her, but Castle Oblivion reminded her so very clearly of why. And now, here he is, the same as always despite it all. “Don’t ever go.” She whispers against his chest, sighing.

“I’m right here.” Terra rests his chin on the crown of her head, a gloved hand brushing her hair between his fingers. “I’m not leaving ever again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's going to be a bonus chapter of some smut after this because I am who I am, but that might be a few days out. Until then, I hope you enjoyed and I'd love to hear what you thought about this!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW ahoy y'all. Just some more angst during some fuckery, you know.

After everything that happened, they both agreed that they were in no state go see Ven immediately. With no looming threat of discovery on the horizon, they could take their time about waking him. What's one more day of sleep for a kid who has slept 11 years, anyway? So they adjourn to their rooms, to get some much-needed rest.

Or to at least try, in Terra's case. He has a harder time sleeping since he got control back; 11 years of being awake all the time because you don't get tired or need anything inside someone's heart means that he really has to exhaust himself to fall asleep, or his mind just starts running in circles. Which is why he's wide awake, tossing in turning in his old bed (just barely too short for him now, he's discovered) when he hears a series of loud thumps from across the hall, followed by a imprecation against the chastity of someone's mother. Throwing aside the thin blanket he had been trying to sleep under and grabbing his pants off the floor, Terra gets himself at least passably clothed (shirts are optional in the dead of night, in his opinion) and heads out into the silent hallway. Nothing here but the scorch marks of Aqua's magical assault from earlier, so it must be…he creeps across the hall barefoot and raps a knuckle on Aqua's door.

“You okay in there?” Terra leans against the door, pitching his voice to be heard.

“I'm fine! Just dropped something, it's fine.” Aqua calls back.

“Are you sure? It sounded big.”

“No, no, it's fine. The whole room is a mess, It's embarrassing.”

Terra hesitates, biting his tongue. Does he…does he ask her if he can come in? He's worried about her, obviously, but he's  _ neve _ r been in her room before. After a year or two into their transition, she started needing more quiet space to study and concentrate, and girls need more space anyway (or that was her excuse), so he never pressed the issue. In fact, thinking about it, he stopped seeing her without a hair out of place around that time, too. Even when she came down for breakfast she was composed and ready for the day's training, hair brushed and in place, skin so clean it could shine. Terra's breakfast etiquette was…somewhere below that. Most days, shirts were optional.

Before he can say anything, there's a sigh on the other side of the door. Then it swings open, nearly carrying Terra bodily into Aqua on the other side until he catches himself on the doorframe. “Just get in here before I have time to come up with a good reason to kick you out.” Aqua looks dead tired and exhausted beyond words, dark bags under her eyes and a squint that betrays her headache only adding to it. She's dressed for bed in a linen tunic that falls down to her thighs and…little else, leaning heavily on the door. Terra pointedly looks away from her legs, meeting her eyes instead and nodding.

“Fair enough.” Terra steps in, taking in the room with no small amount of wonder. He's seen bits of it through the door before now in the past, so the wall-to-wall bookshelf dominating one side of the cramped room was no surprise, but the mess below it absolutely is. Books have been strewn across the whole room, the desk made inaccessible thanks to the mountain of…rolls of fabric? The bed is the only thing clear, though the covers are thrown aside or torn up from the mattress in places. Aqua walks back to the workbench that takes up the opposite wall, searching through the debris listlessly. Terra closes the door behind himself, stepping further into the room. “What are you looking for?”

“Huh? Oh.” Aqua looks up at him in surprise, like she forgot he was there. “I couldn't sleep. Trying to find my sewing needles. Only seen Terra in that coat once and I'm already sick of it.” She stares at him a moment longer, her gaze wandering down across his torso before she turns back to her search.

“I thought you were going to rest, Aqua.” Terra walks carefully around the debris, standing behind her and leaning on the post at the foot of her bed. “It's been a hell of a day.”

“I know.” Aqua grunts out, bending at the waist and throwing things aside from a pile of old clothes that can't fit her anymore. As she bends lower and lower, Terra turns away self-consciously when he realizes she’s not wearing any underwear, inspecting the wall above Aqua's head instead. There hang a few pieces of old art, picked up from one world or another. Down towards the bottom is a portrait of the four of them, one Aqua convinced them to sit for during a supply trip into another world. Like so many things about their life before, he had forgotten it happened until just now. “I said I couldn't sleep, didn't I? Trying to find my sewing kit…”

“Yeah, you did.” Terra's lips press into a thin line.  _ Is she really okay? This isn't like her at all… _

“Oh. Good.” Aqua squats down, digging deeper and throwing books and papers to the side as she goes.

“What are you going to do with a sewing kit?”

“Make you new clothes. Like when we were kids. Damn it, where is it…”

“Have you been at that long, then?” Terra says, fighting back the worry that wants to creep into his voice.

“Don’t know. Few hours, maybe.” She grunts in frustration, standing and moving on to another likely spot. “Where did you go…”

“Is there any way I can convince you to stop looking? It might not even be here. You're exhausted, and—“

“No.” Aqua says, bitter as ice. “I'm doing this. It's fine.”

“Aqua, come on. What is this?” He crosses the room, trying to get in front of her but she retreats across the room to the bookcase, not looking at him. “Listen to yourself, you’re not making any sense!” Aqua pauses, turning slowly back to him from the shelf. The flicker of surprise across her face doesn’t go unnoticed. “And why do you look so startled every time you look at me? You have to tell me what’s going on, I want to help and you’re scaring me!”

“I...was I talking?” She looks confused, bringing a hand to her temple.

“You’re tired and stressed, you need to try to sleep.” Terra crosses to her, putting a hand on her shoulder. Aqua grabs his arm with her other hand, spinning them around and slamming Terra’s back against the wall, one hand on his wrist and the other at his throat.

“ _ Don’t touch me. _ ” Aqua snaps, leaning down over him. Wait...down? When did she get taller than him? Something in his chest shakes at the utter rage in her voice, and he can’t tell if it’s fear or fury.

“What happened to you?” He’s not afraid, now. It’s not clear if it’s because he’s positive she won’t hurt him, or if he just lost any sense of fear entirely and is only finding out now.

“Don’t be stupid. You know exactly what happened to me.” Her grip loosens around his neck as she speaks, a little more reason returning to her expression.

“I don’t. You have to let me in, if you want me to know.” He swallows, taking an uneasy breath. “I want to know. I want to help you, Aqua. I...I can’t do this alone.” Even he’s not sure what ‘this’ refers to anymore.

Aqua deflates, bit by bit, her grip loosening until her hand simply falls to his collarbone. She can’t meet his eyes, staring down at his chest. “I...the darkness never stopped tearing away at everything about me. About everything. Master, Ven, you. Me. Nothing went untouched. 11 years of everything you ever did torn apart by the voices of your closest friends. I...I forget I’m not there, sometimes. I thought you weren’t here. I feel like any time I take my eyes off something it’s going to disappear.” She swallows, breathing harder. “I couldn’t do anything. Nothing I did there mattered. Every bit of darkness I fought off came back the second I walked away from it.” She balls her hand into a fist and strikes his chest with no real force. ”I just wanted to make you a fucking shirt. I can’t even do that. It’s the easiest thing in the world. How many shirts did I make you before, and now I can’t even find a fucking needle and thread?” Her eyes well with tears. “I just wanted to do something nice for you, that’s all.” Her other hand falls from his wrist and she digs her face into his shoulder, weeping silently.

“I’m sorry.” Terra wants to hold her, to tell her it’s okay. It’s not. It probably won’t be okay for a long time. But he wants to say it anyway, and can’t make himself do it.

“I was so alone.” Aqua gulps air, forehead pressed to his collarbone. “I couldn’t stand it. I missed everyone. I missed you so much.”

“Yeah. I never stopped thinking about you. Not ever.” He reaches up hesitantly, steeling himself for another rage, but Aqua doesn’t react when his hand cups the back of her head. Without gloves, the full-length coat between them, Terra almost can’t believe how real this feels. Before, everything he experienced was at a remove, but now, the warmth of her against him, the tears dripping down his chest, the fingers digging into his skin, her breath hot and wet at his neck. This is as real as it gets, and he doesn’t know what to do.

Aqua makes the decision for him, echoing his movement from their fight by cupping his face with both hands when she kisses him. It’s no surprise then that it feels so different, tender and slow like a wave lapping at him again and again. Their first kiss coming after such a furious fight had lent it some of that energy, but now all that’s left is the ebb of the tides, both of their energy long since spent.

“You left me behind.” Aqua says like a revelation between kisses, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.. “I tried to stop you but you left me behind. Don’t leave me behind again.”

Terra tries to shake his head, but Aqua’s grip is too tight. “I won’t. I won’t, I won’t. I’m here. I’m right here.”

“Don’t go.” She releases his head and ducks under his hand, taking it and pulling him across the room towards the bed. “Please don’t go.” He sits down on the edge, looking up at Aqua. His heart beats too quickly, his lungs burning with every breath he takes. He’s...shit, he’s half-hard and the look on Aqua’s face when she pushes him down onto the bed tells him she can see it in these awful leather pants. She tilts her head at him, watching his face. “What?”

“Are we…really doing this?” Terra opens his mouth to say what he’s thinking, that he doesn’t deserve this, but Aqua closes his mouth. He doesn’t object, watching her climb over him and drag fingernails down his chest, leaving angry red lines in their wake. She brushes over old scars left from his transition or their training, lingering over new ones left from when his body was not his own, fingertips tracing their length before scraping further.

“Yes. Shut up.” Terra closes his mouth when Aqua speaks, that commanding tone from before back in her voice only intensifying that strange feeling in his chest. He breathes through his nose, watching her gaze linger on him. Finally, she reaches up, pulling her tunic over her head and heaping it by his head. There’s a faint light filtering through the window over the bed, painting her skin in pale blues that don’t quite match her hair that still make her look utterly flawless. This is the most of her he’s seen...ever, definitely. His heart breaks when he sees the same thing he saw the first time he bared his chest, scars dotted across her skin in random patterns, the testament to 11 years of war with the darkness and herself.

“You’re beautiful.” Terra breathes, Aqua looking up from wrestling with the fly of his pants to snort in disbelief at him.

“I  _ thought _ I said to shut up.” Aqua shoves his pants down off his hips and grabs his wrists, pinning his arms to the bed. “I’m the one in control here. Me. No moving, no talking. Or…” She grins, and Terra realizes with a start how long her canines have become (they were prominent when she was younger, but nowhere near this), closer to fangs than anything that should be in a person’s mouth. He shivers under her, a strange thrill running up his spine. What is this? Shit, he’s never felt so hard in his life, he’s positive. Aqua slaps him, hard enough to sting. “What did I just say?”

“No talking, no moving.” Terra says, and she slaps him again.  _ Oh, right. _ He closes his mouth again, nodding vigorously to Aqua until she smiles, flashing those canines again. That shouldn’t make his heart flutter like it does, but he’s not questioning it anymore.

“Better.” She caresses his cheek where she hit him. “I missed you so much.” Her hand drifts down from there to his cock under her, wrapping around it and staying perfectly still. “Wondered more times than I can count about this.” She squeezes him just so, making Terra inhale sharply. “About us. If you’d ever say anything. I knew.” A languid twist of her wrist blots all thought from Terra’s head for a dizzying moment. “I was fine waiting. It would have been fine, waiting until after the Mark of Mastery exam. And then you left.” Her hand slides down to the base, holding him steady and pressing herself to his tip. “You left me, Terra.” She repeats herself again and again as she slides his cock inside her, lip twisting. “You  _ left. _ We were training partners, we should have been Masters but you left me. Everywhere I went, you left.” She leans forward, putting both her hands over his wrists again, their faces level. Leaning down, she kisses him, utterly still. As she releases him, she catches his lip in her teeth and bites down, breaking eye contact and releasing him only when Terra whines in pain. “I still love you, Terra.”

This is all so much. She shifts in his lap and Terra squeezes his eyes shut, teeth clenched. He can taste blood and isn’t sure if he bit his cheek open just now or if she broke skin when she bit him. He...he loves it. He loves her. She must know that, why else would she put him through this? He’ll take it. He’ll take anything she puts him through.

“Oh…” Aqua hisses, shifting herself around on top of him. “I won’t forget this. Another memory made in this castle with you.” Her hips slap against his. She rides him with slow movements that quicken with every thrust, driving her breath out with every one. “I was so sure you were gone forever. When I saw you in the dark, still fighting, I cried my eyes out. I fought for so long. I know you did, too, all for this. To get home safe.” Terra clenches his hands with every thrust, holding himself back with all his might. Aqua’s breathing grows ragged, leaning on his wrists heavily and rocking her hips faster and faster. “Fuck. Fuck, Terra, this is real, we’re really out, I made it out, I—” Aqua whines, nonsense vowels falling from her mouth but she won’t stop, short sharp bucks that make Terra gasp for breath. He comes first, one suddenly long stroke shattering the barrier he had tried to erect in his head and pushing him past his limit. Aqua doesn’t stop, her grip on him like iron until she spasms and her whole body clenches, her forehead pressed to his. Their first kiss surrounded by fire, now their first time together is colored by abandonment and struggle and tears. Maybe this is how it was supposed to be. Regardless, Terra has never been happier to see Aqua than he is in that moment, the almost unbelievable truth of her presence. He came back, and she came back too.

Fuck, he’s tired. Aqua must be even worse, and she stumbles into his arms when she pulls herself off of him, ignoring everything else that isn’t rubbing her face against his cheek.

“I’m sorry. I was selfish, that wasn’t fair and—”

“It was super hot.” Terra blurts, surprising Aqua into silence. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see her smile. Shit, how did he not notice the canines? That’s...also hot. He’ll save saying as much for later, though.

“...Oh.” What little anxiety was left in her voice vanishes. “...I don’t know what to say, then.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Honestly...you said a lot. I agree with it all.”

“Terra…” Aqua trails off, trying to find the words. “I don’t care that you left. It happened. A lot happened. You’re here now.”

Terra makes a noncommittal noise, sighing. “Yeah.”

“Mm.” Aqua leans against him, pressing herself to his side. He puts an arm around her, smiling.

“You should use the bathroom, you know.” Terra clears his throat. Some things stick with you. Master’s birds and the bees speech and his warnings about safe sex was one of them. ...Damn it, was that a hint to them to get on with it?

“What? Oh.” Aqua groans. “I was enjoying the moment. Five more minutes.”

“Now there’s something I haven’t heard in years.” Despite everything else about her bearing and work ethic, Aqua was never the early riser in the Land of Departure. More often than not, he’d knock on her door on the way to shower after a run and get a distant call of ‘five more minutes’. Terra yelps when Aqua pinches his side.

“Very funny.” Aqua rises, grabbing her tunic from the bed and climbing over him. “You better shower too, smart guy, you’re not the only mess here.”

“Five more minutes.” Terra laughs when Aqua kicks him in the leg, storming out of the room. He climbs to his feet, dropping his pants next to the bed and following her to the door and leaning out of it. “Hey, d’ya want to share a shower maybe?” He cackles when she pitches her shirt in his face, pulling it off and following her laughter down the hall.

They’ll be okay. He’s sure of that now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ven wakes up, and everyone has to confront some of the facts of the matter.

“We have to talk about Ventus.” Terra had no more than stepped out of his room before Aqua spoke, pushing herself off the wall across from his door. Terra has never in his life heard Aqua refer to Ven as ‘Ventus’, save when he is in trouble or she is deeply worried about him. It’s pretty easy for him to tell which is happening here.

“About what?” Terra closes his door behind him, leaning against it and starting to cross his arms before he stops himself, picking at his linen shirt instead. Aqua gave it to him yesterday; it’s a little baggy and still smells faintly of dust that had gathered on the fabric, but he refuses to take it off. It helps that he doesn’t have anything else that fits across his chest besides that awful black coat, of course.

“His fall.” Of course. 

Ven didn’t wake up the day after their night together. Or the next day, or the one after that, either. Aqua said that he might need time, something about his connection to Sora’s heart making Ven’s return trip trickier than Terra’s had been. After all, Terra had just been locked in inside his own body, not hiding in someone else’s body entirely, so many worlds away. In any case, Aqua had other things to do; to prepare the castle for accepting guests and otherwise, something with the enchantment that had to be torn down, that castle rebuilt into its original configuration. Terra wondered if the vision of the castle he saw as he left, the whole world rent apart by the darkness, was what it would revert to without the magic.

In any case, Ven didn’t wake up for a few days. Without much else to do but whatever he decided, Terra took up cooking for them both, and ensuring Aqua didn’t forget to eat. It had the significant bonus of ensuring the same remained true for him as well; both of them simply hadn’t had to eat for so long that the mere concept of three meals a day seemed undeniably foreign until Terra imposed it upon them again. And when he wasn’t cooking, it had just been easier to be near Ven than anywhere else. It felt...right, somehow. Watching over him. It reminded him of his and Aqua’s vigil over him so long ago, when he first came to them.

It wasn’t quite the same, of course. One day, Terra had walked in Ven’s room and gone to one of the shelves for a book to read, turned around and seen Ven staring at him in utter horror. He screamed wordlessly and clawed his way out of bed, falling badly and passing out halfway across the floor. Aqua came running, though he’s not sure how she heard his scream except for dumb luck. Ven woke up in her arms when she came to him, saw her and passed right back out.

Aqua crosses her arms over her chest, frowning. “I’m worried about how he’ll take new information. We...I want to make things softer for him, for now. Nothing too stressful. We know his heart was in Sora’s but...it’s been through a lot. I want to keep him safe.” She glances to the door at the end of the hallway, as if she’s worried that he could be listening.

“I want to keep him safe, too.” His fingers twitch, the impulse to hold her when she looks this sad almost overwhelming.

“I know.” She looks back to him, worry lines around her eyes out in full force. “Can you keep some things from him, for now? What happened to you, to the world, with—” She pauses, her mouth hanging open, something on the tip of her tongue as she stops herself, her jaw clicking shut with the clack of her teeth. He swears that she was about to say ‘with us’.

“Aqua...he’s not a child. I’m not going to treat him like one. He deserves to know about us, and you know he’s going to ask.” Terra sighs. “You know he’ll be happy about it, no matter what.”

She unfolds her arms with painstaking slowness, closing the distance between them and taking one of his hands in hers. Barefoot, the difference in their height that had seemed so pronounced before is now only a few centimeters. “I know.” Aqua says, squeezing his fingers tightly. “Please, let me be selfish just this once. I want this to be on my terms.” She winces at herself, looking just slightly down to him. “ _ Our _ terms.”

“Okay.” Terra raises her hand to his mouth, kissing her knuckles. “I love you.”

“Yeah.” Aqua’s lips twitch, almost a smile that is gone as quickly as it appears. He kisses her cheek, and she slips out of his grip when he does so. “I’m gonna go.”

Okay, maybe things aren’t going to be great anytime soon. Terra hardly saw Aqua until Ven’s fall, only at meals when he would drag her off to the kitchen to try his soup and choke down a bowl of rice before disappearing back into the Master’s study. Or when she would come into his room at night, silent as a phantom as she slips into his bed next to him and curls up. On a lot of those nights, he would discover her hours later, pulling himself around her for comfort and waking to find her gone. Others, he would be roused from fitful sleep by her nails digging into his skin, pressed as closely to him as she can manage and clinging to him with some feral strength he’s never seen in her before. There’s been no repeat of their first night together, neither the lows or the highs, and he can’t tell if he prefers that or if it disappoints him.

Watching her go, he decides he’s okay to let Aqua figure things out. After so long spent running away from how he felt, the person he was afraid that he was, he can’t fault her for reacting the same way. No matter what, though, he’s not running away from her or Ven anymore. He’s content to wait. She knows where to find him when she’s ready.

* * *

Ventus knows something is  _ really _ up the second he sees Terra work his way into his room with two bowls of soup balanced on one arm. Since when does Terra  _ cook? _

“Hey, Ven! Got you something.” Terra pushes the door closed behind him with a foot, crossing the room and holding one out to him. Ven takes it, glancing at the weak miso soup inside and back to Terra. 

It’s not hard to believe this is Terra, it’s unmistakably him, something about him that is just clearly Terra. But, it is hard to believe how much he’s changed. Ven still feels awful about how badly he reacted to seeing Terra the first time. For a split second, he looked like someone from a nightmare he’s had over and over again, a man in a black coat with a mane of white hair, telling him that his new name is— Ven shudders, thrusting the nightmare back where it belongs. It’s not his, he knows it’s not. Too long in Sora’s heart, his memories mingling with the others. He wonders if Sora remembers weird stuff from Ven’s life now, too. Or if those other two will, someday.

“Thanks.” Ven says, raising the bowl to his mouth and drinking. It’s...not good, but he’s probably not gonna puke it up an hour later either, like the bowl of stew Terra gave him yesterday for dinner. He hates how weak he feels, right now. He can barely make it to the shared bathroom and back without needing Terra to give him a shoulder (or to carry him, which he’s not dumb enough to say no to even if he hates it even more than leaning on his best friend) on the way. It reminds him too much of those first days after he came here to train under Master Eraqus, when Aqua was always at his side.

Only...he’s only seen Aqua once since he woke up, when he woke up for a split second and passed out again. He hopes she isn’t avoiding him. 

“No worries.” Terra smiles, taking a sip from his own bowl.

“I’m sorry.” Ven blurts out. “About freaking out. It’s not fair.”

“What’s not fair?” Terra raises an eyebrow. “You saw Xemnas with a bad haircut in your room, rifling through your stuff. I would have flipped, too.”

Ven grunts, making a face at him. “You’re not him, dude, that’s why it’s not fair.” Not that he remembers much of what Sora went through, or the other hearts he guarded who knew him as well. Just bits, pieces cut adrift from context or meaning. The squeak of gloved hands on leather coats, the dark tone of voice the man who lived in Terra’s body spoke of Kingdom Hearts in, the sickening yellow of his eyes that stared without pity.

“He had my body.” Terra maintains, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, the bowl held in one hand between them.

“Yeah, but  _ you’re not him. _ Are you listening to me? You walk different, you talk different!”

“Same voice.” Terra points out.

“It isn’t! You can sound like him, maybe,  _ maybe,  _ but you don’t act like him at all.” Ven huffs, staring at Terra. “Why are you doing this?” Terra stares silently at him, so Ven returns the gesture until Terra looks away. “Come on, dude, talk to me.”

“Every bit of this is my fault. Master, your heart, Aqua...all of it.”

“Fuck off.” Ven scoffs, shaking his head and taking a sip of his soup. Anger is no substitute for food, and the hunger gnawing at him that never seems to go away isn’t gonna disappear just for this so he can tell Terra off properly. “Dude, you aren’t Xehanort, you didn’t do any of this!”

“But I listened to him. Pushed you and Aqua away, trying to—”

“Trying to find a path back to us! You said as much yourself, you were taken in by his lies. I was his apprentice, too. I know better than anyone how well he plays to your blind spots. Master did, too. You don’t deserve to blame yourself for what he did to us. That’s on him, nobody else.”

Terra sighs, still not looking at him. “I want to believe that.” He says quietly. “How much do you remember, when you were in Sora?”

“Not much. Bits and pieces. A whole jumble, like a freaky dream that seems so real.” Ven takes another sip of his soup, watching Terra’s jaw work as he tries to find the words for whatever it is he needs to say.

“I remember everything. Every moment inside him, after he stole my body from me. Even parts he didn’t see, when he was asleep or unconscious. It was like seeing everything around me, my heart locked in but directly inside it. ” Terra stares at the bowl in his hands, jaw tight. “The last thing she said to me before she threw me—threw Xehanort, to save me—from the darkness, was ‘I’m with you, go’. She put her keyblade in his hand and saved his life, because mine was in there too.”

“That was her decision to make, Terra.” Ven leans as far as he can, putting a hand on Terra’s knee.

“I know. But she shouldn’t have had to make it.” Terra hangs his head lower. “She went through so much because of me.”

“Because of Xehanort.” Ven corrects him, squeezing his knee. “You can’t own everything that happened. It’s not fair, and I’ll kick your ass if you keep it up.”

“Right.” Terra exhales, looking up at Ven and smiling for the first time Ven can think of since before he woke up. “Doesn’t make any of it better.”

“Nope. But Aqua’s tough, she’ll be okay.” Ven says it with conviction, but doesn’t really feel any to speak of. He doesn’t know what happened, but...a lot changed for her, physically. He’s never seen her look so tired before. Yeah, they all look older, that much he expected, but she looks drawn out and exhausted in a way that even Terra doesn’t. And the look that falls over Terra’s face like an avalanche when he says that tells him the truth of the matter.

“I don’t know. She won’t talk to me about what happened. I—I’m worried about her. She’s working hard, but…” Terra sighs, slumping his shoulders and finishing the rest of his soup in one long gulp. “I don’t know. I said I wouldn’t stress you out. Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Ven chugs the rest of his soup, coughing and pounding his chest after he finishes. “Here. Thanks for lunch.”

“Yeah.” Terra nods, and means it. “See you for dinner.” Ven watches his friend go, his heart breaking in his chest to see the defeated slope of his shoulders.

* * *

Aqua stands outside Ventus’ room, hand raised to knock, thinking of all the other things she could go do right now. The enchantments aren’t all removed yet, she has to find Master’s journals to ensure that the transformation back into the Land of Departure doesn’t tear the castle apart, she could  _ really  _ use a bath, or 8 hours sleep, or something else she refuses to dignify with a thought...when was the last time she ate something? It feels like it’s been days since Terra brought her meal of miso soup and a large chunk of bread to the study. She devoured it in 2 minutes flat.

Where is Terra, anyway? Is he already in Ven’s room, or off making dinner? Is it even close to dinner time? Where is he...Oh, hell. Her head aches like nothing else, temples pounding. She’s been at it for hours, unraveling the multilayered nightmare kaleidoscope she made of the castle after Master’s secret failsafe was activated as insurance policy, and colors dance against her eyelids like fireflies in the dark from the strain. She rests her head against the cool stone of the castle wall, breathing slowly as she can manage. Just five minutes of peace, please. Just one, even.

Not even sleep comes easily, now. She knows she needs it, but with so many things to balance, the castle’s restoration and figuring out Master’s old journals, preparing for war and trying not to worry herself sick, how can she? There are so many moving parts for her to fret over, not only Terra and Ven but Sora and Riku and Kairi and whoever else may come, the strange man with the red hair and King Mickey. As the eldest Master of any of them, it’s her duty to offer guidance, and how can she from here? She has to be out there, helping, but she  _ has _ to be here for Ven, for Terra. She would never leave them behind again.

Fuck. Everything is so badly fucked that she can’t believe it. Eleven years and so much has changed, degraded or collapsed under the weight of the darkness. It’s everything she can do to keep from laying in bed, paralyzed by the weight of everything bearing down on her.

“Aqua!” The shout from the other side of the door startles her hard enough that she jumps back, Master’s Defender flashing into her hand without a second thought. Her heart races as she heaves the door into Ven’s room open, charging in and finding nothing out of place, Ven looking shocked at her. “Aqua!?”

“What’s going on? You yelled!” She spins, looking for anything wrong, finds nothing and rounds on Ven for answers.

“I, I heard you in the hallway, and I haven’t seen you. Are you okay? You sounded bad…” Ven stares up at her, his brow knit together in worry. She banishes Master’s keyblade, exhaling shakily and turning to close the door. “Aqua, talk to me.” She could walk out the door right now. But she can’t, is rooted in place by her own conscience. Ven deserves to see her! Why is she trying to hide from him like this, finding other things to do that are more important than one of the two people in her life she treasures more than her own life? It’s unfair. She’s been so unfair to everyone lately. So she lets go of the door handle when she closes it, turning around and sitting down in the chair placed next to the bed. And she looks at Ven, for the first real time since he woke up.

His hair is so long now, hanging in swooping, looping golden curls down to his chin and neck. The roundness of his face is gone, replaced by gently curved cheekbones and a sharp chin dusted with fine gold hair. The brightness in those blue eyes is one of the few things that hasn’t changed, just as brilliant it had been before he fell asleep.  He smiles at her uncertainly as she realizes she’s staring at him, hasn’t said a word since he asked her to speak.

“Sorry.” She raises a hand to her temple, wincing. “My head is a mess today.”

“You were talking to yourself out there.” He leans over towards her, propped up by every pillow she could find in the castle after his fall.

“I was?” She frowns, looking down at her lap and back up to him. “Sorry. Bad habits don’t go away so easy.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Aqua.” He scoots upright, sitting up in bed until he’s at the very top of it, the rest of it unoccupied. He pats his lap, smiling. “C’mon, we haven’t done this in forever.” Once upon a time, whenever Terra’s near-miss confessions frustrated her to no end, or whenever the pressure of training felt like it was going to break her, she would vent with Ven. Just like this, in fact, her head in his lap. Everything seemed simpler, once Ven pointed out all the things she had missed or forgotten or simply not known. How much Terra truly did care for her, though he was afraid to act for fear of ruining something. How much she loved him back, was prepared for him to find the right combination of words for him when he was ready. That she was doing something incredible, becoming a Keyblade Master, even if it was hard and she had to work every day to become the person she wanted to be.

“...Really?” She smiles for Ven, hesitantly climbing onto the bed. Aqua’s so much taller than she was that she has to tuck her legs at the bottom, but she instantly feels calmer laying here like this again. She doesn’t have time to regret her lack of a bath before Ven does what he always did back then, playing with her hair and rubbing her scalp in slow circles that always seemed to calm her. “That feels nice.” She closes her eyes, praying to whoever may be listening that her migraine subsides.

“I bet. I still gotta get you to return the favor someday.” She can hear the smile in his voice. “So. What’s going on?”

She sighs in frustration. “What isn’t? We claw our way out of our individual nightmares and find out the rest of the worlds are in even more trouble than they had been. I’m the oldest Master now, Ven. Imagine that.”

“You’re qualified for it.” Ven points out, scratching her forehead gently. “Master Eraqus wouldn’t have picked you if you weren’t ready, you know?”

“I know. And I  _ was _ ready, back then. But...I don’t know if I’m ready anymore. I’m not the person I was 11 years ago anymore.”

“People change, but you’re still you, no matter what happened. Aqua’s right here, you know?” He taps her head. “And in my heart, too. And Terra’s.” Oh, how badly she wants to believe him. That someday soon she really will feel like she’s not just some other life’s leftovers.

“What if...what if I’m not that Aqua anymore? What if I stopped being her down there, even if I think I’m her?” She sighs. “I’m not strong, anymore. I can barely keep up with everything everyone needs from me anymore. I’m stretched thin, Aqua was never stretched thin.”

“Bullshit.” Ven flicks her on the forehead, hard.

“Ow.” She opens her eyes, looking up at Ven and finding him still smiling above her.

“Aqua, you have spent  _ literally _ every day I’ve known you worried out of your mind about something. If it wasn’t the Mark of Mastery exam, it was if Terra had given up on his feelings, or Master’s mood, or the weather! The only difference between then and now is that you spent 11 years fighting, and now you suddenly have to go back to juggling a dozen problems without any break.” He reaches down, brushing aside a tear from her eye that she hadn’t realized had formed. “Be nicer to yourself, alright? You can’t be everything for everyone all the time. I think we all need rest and time to process everything. That includes you, too.”

Maybe he’s right. It had been scarcely a day between when she was freed from the darkness and her arrival at Castle Oblivion, and it hasn’t even been a week since then. How can she be expected to manage all of this, when every wound still feels so fresh? Mickey, the others would understand. They can handle some of the burden of planning and preparing. She has to focus on getting Terra, Ven and herself ready for what’s coming. And she knows she can trust those two to support her the whole way, no matter what. The light always finds a way.

“Thank you, Ven.” Aqua whispers, and means it. She’d forgotten what it was like, having someone to talk to. Someone who reminds her of all the good she’s done, despite everything. She really isn’t trapped in the darkness anymore.

“You don’t have to thank me, either. I should be the one apologizing, honestly. I should have been up and around sooner.”

“Oh, be quiet. I won’t take any apologies from you, either.” Aqua closes her eyes. He keeps brushing out her hair, and her migraine fades bit by bit from a roar into a rumble. Ven hums a song she doesn’t recognize, the sound lilting in his throat in odd variations. It’s pleasant. He does that for awhile, and Aqua feels the weight of her exhaustion bearing down on her rapidly, fighting to stay awake to enjoy Ven’s presence for even a moment longer.

“Your hair is so long now.” Ven stops singing to himself and says it with genuine reverence, rolling the tips of a lock of hair between thumb and forefinger.

“Pot, meet kettle.” He laughs at that, but doesn’t stop. She doesn’t want him to, either. Try to relax, Aqua. Enjoy the moment.

“Yeah, but you look good with it. I probably look ridiculous. I’ve never had stubble, either.” She opens an eye to find him scratching his chin and can’t help but laugh at the frustrated expression on his face. “Ugh, it’s so itchy. It isn’t  _ funny _ , either.”

“Sorry. I’ll see about a razor for you later. I can take care of your hair while I’m at it, too, if you want.”

“Like you did for Terra?” Aqua’s eyes fly open at that, though her shock hopefully doesn’t show on her face. Ven doesn’t seem to give any sign, at least, so she relaxes.

“No, Terra did that to himself, thank you. I just cleaned it up enough to be presentable after he hacked it off.” She squints up at him. “Did Terra say something?”

“No. I just assumed since you used to do all of our hair when we were kids, and he didn’t have the big mane Xemnas had, either.” Ven shrugs. “Why?”

“No reason.”

“...Uh huh.” One of Ven’s fingers creeps under her chin, tickling her jawline. “He did it, didn’t he! He finally said it!”

“He did.” She says as neutrally as she can. 

“Shit, I knew he had it in him.” Ven grins, continuing to scratch under her chin. She loves hearing the excitement in his voice, but…she can already hear the question she doesn’t want to answer on his lips. ”How did it happen?” Fuck.

She’s tried not to think about that moment since it happened. “It was...unique.” She manages. When she thinks about it, that awful, beautiful moment of recognition, an unthinkable rage boils up in her. Not at Terra (hopefully never again at Terra, she prays) but at how much has changed, been twisted by Xehanort until she couldn’t even be sure the man she loved was still alive in there. Not to mention, how she acted then and the night after was so far out of line that she’s positive she’ll never live it down. She had spent so long thinking about how Terra would finally say it or to act on his feelings for so long, and then for it to be like  _ that _ …She can’t forgive herself for what she put Terra through that night, not yet.

“You don’t have to tell me about it, if you don’t want to.” His hand brushes past her cheek as it returns to her hair, brushing it out between his fingers. “I think it’s great, honestly. It’s about time.”

“He said you’d say that. I wanted to tell you. I just…” Aqua trails off, grimacing.

“A lot is going on.” Ven points out. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do.”

“Yeah.” She releases a breath, relieved. Ven wouldn’t hate her for hiding it, that’s not like him at all, she knows that. But some part of her had been so deeply afraid that he would. She’s going to have to learn to discredit that voice’s opinion quickly.

“So, here’s my opinion.” He drapes some of Aqua’s hair over her face, a strand of it laying under her nose like a thin blue moustache, the rest covering her mouth. “You should do something relaxing. You’ve probably been running yourself ragged where me and Terra can’t stop you, so it’s time for you to do something decent for yourself. What sounds good?”

“A good night’s sleep.” Aqua blows her hair out of her face and stretches her arms over her head, letting them fall to the bed. “I found some of my old favorite historical novels too, I’d love to start one of them. Maybe get a nice, hot bath. Something with red meat for dinner. Eight full hours of sleep, too. And, I want to stay right here until you get tired of humoring me.”

“I’ll never get tired of humoring you, Aqua.” Ven laughs. “Anything else for the list?”

Aqua sighs, thinking of the unthinkable desire that’s lingered in the back of her mind for so long. “I want to be with Terra more. I’ve been avoiding talking to him about everything, and it’s not right. He deserves better from me.”

“Oh, young love.” He laughs when she reaches back and paws blindly at his face. “You’re doing your best! Though, you might want to consider that bath before you pounce, no offense.” He sniffs, clearing his throat. “Not that I’m one to talk.”

“Mmmmmmm...fine. We’ll get you in the bath, and then I’ll do the same.” She starts to sit up, but thinks better of it when she considers how much better her migraine feels after just this long of Ven’s gentle touch, laying her head back down in his lap. “Five more minutes, first. You have no idea how nice this feels.” She smiles and murmurs happily when Ven cackles at her and he returns to his work. He’s always been such a good friend. 

Maybe some things don’t change, after all.

* * *

After shooing Ven into the bath and helping him back to bed to rest, Aqua does much the same. She abandons her clothes on the floor next to the door and starts the bath running while she rinses off at the faucet. Once she’s scrubbed clean, she lowers herself into the bath with a genuine sigh of relief, stretching out in the tub...and finding out that she can’t fully extend her legs in the tub anymore. Damn it. She sighs again, shrugging to herself and relaxing as much as she can anyway.

Perhaps it’s strange, but she has a lot of memories associated with this bathroom. You live somewhere long enough, and you build up little sense-memories associated with it. The smell of soap that you haven’t used in years, the texture of the rough-cut tile under your feet. That particular scent that comes from hot water that no one can really define but everyone knows instinctively, but differs from place to place.

Sometimes, the bathtub felt like a shelter from the world for her. Here, where she could be the most literally vulnerable she could ever be, safe from intrusion or judgement. When you’re a teen growing into a distinctly and suddenly unfamiliar body, that can be unbelievably freeing. Her room was safe, too (the boys had all seemed to make a silent agreement, along with Master that her room was off limits without explicit invitation, which she felt equally honored and confused by), but not in the same way; her room was a place of study as much a place of rest and preparation, of research and concentrated thought. Here...was a different kind of study. Inward-focused, one could say.

Okay, yes, she masturbated here. Come on. Who in the world would put up with all that stress for so long without  _ any _ release valve?

Stretching out in the bath, she slips a hand between her legs and sighs. Even with she doesn’t quite fit in the tub the same way, this part is just like it used to be. Closing her eyes, she focuses on the feeling of her fingers on her skin, pushing past the hair above and caressing her entrance. Mmh.  _ Relax, Aqua.  _ She forces the tension out of her thighs, spreading herself wider until her knees hit the sides of the tub. Not ideal, but it’ll do. She murmurs wordlessly when a finger brushes next to her clit, every muscle in her legs flexing until she forces herself to relax once more. She imagines her hands as someone else’s, focusing on the foreignness of their touch, the roughness of his skin.

“Is this how you like it?” His voice, imagined as it is, in her ear. Deeper than any voice she’s known, rich and dark with emotion. “Or...here?” His hand shifts against her, a fingertip slipping into her, her breath catching in her throat from the contact.

“Yes.” She murmurs, arching her back upwards and pushing his finger deeper. “More.”

“I’ll be gentle.” He says, stroking deeper into her insistently. He chuckles to himself when she squirms, his finger hitting one of her most sensitive places. “Ah, there. That’s where you want it, yes?”

Aqua swallows hard, nodding quickly. “Please.” She can barely feel the heat of the water anymore, her own temperature rising with every second of him with her, his every touch and word. Oh, if only. She can imagine his sweat in her nose, his breathing in her ear as his finger fucks her as forcefully as she could ever want him to. 

“I’m so lucky.” Terra leans closer to her, she can imagine his breath hot and wet on her neck. “We should have been doing this much sooner.”

“Fuck, Terra.” She whispers, each breath a gasp for air. Fuck, she’s close already. “I’m gonna—”

“Aqua?” That voice is the one she’s fantasizing of, but not in her ear. Terra raps on the door into the bathroom, calling through the barrier. “You okay in there? I thought I heard something.”  _ Fuck me…Wait. _ The door is locked.

“Just—just a minute!” Aqua calls, her voice wavering as she fingers herself furiously, chasing the edge she had just been teetering on until she hits it and flies over it. She loses herself in it, feet slamming hard against the other side of the tub and splashing water over the side as she flinches and jerks her way through her orgasm.

“What was that? Did you drop something?” Terra calls. Aqua laughs under her breath, climbing to her unsteady feet and sitting on the edge of the tub for a moment before standing and wobbling back to the other side of the bathroom for a towel.

“I’m fine, Terra! Really. Just a second, I’m getting dressed.” Aqua leaves her bralette and panties where they lie, pulling on the simple tunic and pants she cut and stitched for herself and Terra one sleepless night until she has more time for figuring out how she’s going to fit back into her old outfit anytime soon. “I’m coming out now!” Aqua calls, stepping up to the door and opening it. Swinging the door out into the hall, sure enough Terra is standing on the other side, wearing… ”Terra?” Aqua raises an eyebrow at him.

“What’s up?”

“Why aren’t you wearing pants? Or underwear, for that matter?” She nods down to his bare legs, and makes a note that she’s going to have to actually get his measurements. That tunic she made him is  _ far  _ too short, ending at the very tops of his thighs and giving her a very good view of everything going on down there. And contrary to the whole point of her bathtime escapade, the heat pooled in her gut hasn’t gone away even a little, and seeing him like this just makes it worse. 

“I...I was going to the bathroom? I’ve got stew on the fire and Ven’s watching it so I can take a bath.” Terra scratches his neck, grinning awkwardly. On that mature face, it honestly looks even more handsome than it has any right to. Maybe it’s the new angle, with him glancing just slightly up to meet her eyes. She has to tell him, it’s eating her up inside seeing him so loyal and genuine with her while she acts like this.

“Can we talk?” She puts a hand on his chest.

“I—” He opens his mouth and immediately closes it, staring at her for a moment. “Sure?” He says, the grin growing more earnest.

“Great.” She presses on his chest until he turns around, following her direction into his room until she sits him down on his bed and sits down next to him. Thankfully, Terra at least has the presence of mind to pull his blanket over his lap so she doesn’t have to deal with that particular distraction just yet. “First of all, I’m sorry. I’ve been avoiding you and Ven, and it wasn’t fair.”

“You don’t have to apologize for taking time for yourself, Aqua.” Terra takes her hand, his fingers nowhere nearly as calloused or rough as she had imagined them to be. “I would have waited as long as you needed. I still will, no matter what.” It’s remarkable to realize how much their positions have reversed just with that simple statement. She had been ready to wait until the worlds ended for Terra to say what he needed to say, and now she’s the one trying to figure herself out enough to say what she needs to say while he waits patiently for her. Maybe that’s the difference between 11 years to think about your actions and 11 years spent fighting just to survive.

“I know. I know, and it doesn’t matter because I’m still apologizing. I knew a long time ago I loved you. And then…” She looks down at his hand over hers. “That night we spent together, I said so many things I don’t believe. Or that I had thought when I was so sure that I had failed all of you, that I was going to die down there in the dark all alone. I...I’m trying not to let that part of me win. To let it make me think that it’s all waiting to come down around me. That I never really got out.” Terra squeezes her hand, his eyes locked on her, but she can’t meet his gaze, not yet. “I love you. I’ve loved you for so long, Terra, probably since the day we really started talking, when we were kids. And I hope that no matter what, that you remember that I love you from the bottom of the heart. Even if I’m awful, unbearable, even if I scream at you, if I cry. Even if I can’t bring myself to say it again. I still love you.” Fuck, it feels good to say that. Even the worst bits. Admitting that she’s still not okay, that she might not be okay for a long time hurts like nothing else, a gaping wound in her heart that feels like it will never heal, that screams rage and sorrow into her very being with every beat.

Terra puts another hand over hers, closing both of her hands together and cupping them with his own. She looks up to him then and feels her heart skip a beat at the intensity of his gaze. “I will. Even if you kick my ass, scream at me, cry, I’m never going anywhere away from you again, Aqua.  _ Nothing _ is ever going to make me leave you. I swore to myself a long time ago that if I ever get free, I would never run away from myself, run away from you or Ven ever again.” Terra scoots off of the end of the bed, getting down on one knee in front of her, head bowed. “That is my oath to you.”

Aqua blinks away tears falling freely, unable to speak, barely able to keep breathing. She’s happy, so unbelievably happy to hear Terra say something beyond even her wildest dreams. She tries to calm down but her heart stutters in her chest faster and faster and that awful heat in her gut only growing heavier and hotter, and she wants nothing more than to show this beautiful, wonderful man how much she loves him. When he gets back on the bed and wipes away her tears with a thumb, smiling as gently as he used to when she would come and talk to him about whatever had been bothering her, before Ventus arrived and gave her an outlet for the things she couldn’t tell him, she knows that he meant everything he said with every fiber of his being. And when he kisses her she reciprocates, wrapping her arms around his head and tugging him closer, falling back onto his bed until he’s holding himself up over her with an elbow. Terra smiles against her lips but never breaks that point of contact, sucking eagerly on her tongue when she slips it into his mouth. She wants more, slipping a hand down from around his head to push Terra’s shirt up until he breaks, letting her breathe for a glorious moment while he throws it off and returns to his previous position. This time, she runs her hand up the smooth planes of his torso, feeling every scar and curve, the dense forest of his chest hair that she had never expected to find even in her wildest dreams. Before, she had been terrible, possessive and cruel with him, but now, all she wants is to explore every inch of him, to show him how much she loves every part of the man he is now.

Terra hooks two fingers under the waistband of her pants, tugging them down to her knees and sliding a hand down her bare thigh. “Is this okay?”

“Fuck yes it is.” She says with a smile. “What are you thinking?” Fuck, she’s already wet again, his fingers slipping lower on her thigh and towards her pussy only helping the matter. Her skin feels so unbearably sensitive under his touch, growing hotter by the second.

“How much I’ve regretted never acting on how I felt.” His hand slips lower, scant inches from being exactly where she wants it. “How much I’ve wondered what this would be like.” His hand pauses, fingers just beginning to part her pubic hair. He hesitates, looking up at her.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I…” Terra closes his mouth. “Can you...What do you want me to do?”

“Terra…” She reaches up to cup his face, smiling. “Do whatever comes naturally.” A pang of worry strikes when his mouth twists into a frown, looking away from her.

“Are you sure? I—” He stops, Aqua closing his jaw with her hand and turning him back towards her..

“I’m sure. I’m positive, actually.” She raises herself up on an elbow to kiss him again, gently, pressing her forehead to his when she speaks. “I’m telling you to do whatever will make you happy, because I know it’ll make me happy, too.”

“Okay. Ok.” He nods, psyching himself up. She inhales sharply when his fingers touch her lower lips, shuddering in delight. Raising herself up on an elbow, she watches him tease her, middle finger tracing the edges of her in slow, meandering circles. “Too slow?” He says in her ear, that delicious tone everything she had imagined it to be and more.

“No. No, it’s, hah, mmmm, fine.” Aqua says, not bothering to stifle her rumbling moan for him.

“Right.” His index finger joins the other, spreading her open. “Which would you love more...fingers, or tongue?”

“I thought I told you that you should do what comes naturally.” Aqua says, and immediately bites her lip when Terra slides a finger into her.

“Oh, I know.” Terra says with a laugh that makes her squirm. Shit. It had been strange, at first, hearing him talk in a voice that is so very much like the young Terra she knew and yet not, but now it’s a thrill, that honeyed voice he’s fallen into ridiculous beyond measure and unbearably hot anyway. “But I want to make you happy, and it looks like someone has been playing with herself already. I’d hate to give you an encore if you don’t really want it.” Aqua swears under her breath, Terra giving her no quarter even as he calls her out for her bathroom indiscretion as a second finger joins the first. “I’d forgotten how gorgeous you look when you’re flustered, Aqua.”

“Shut. Up.” Aqua grunts out, her breathing already labored. Maybe this was a bad idea. Not that she’s not enjoying herself, she just feels ridiculous being so fully at his mercy and not even caring a little. She arches herself up against Terra, clinging to his back.

“Of course.” Terra says archly. Aqua whines when his hand suddenly withdraws, falling back to the bed with a moan of frustration. “If my mouth doesn’t make you happy now, then maybe it will in a moment.” He slips down the bed away from her, getting down on his knees next to the bed and pulling her by the hips to face him. Without another word, he spreads her thighs open wide enough for him and presses his mouth to her, tongue flickering out to fill the space left by his fingers. She can’t bring herself to cover her mouth, the low moan that escapes her seeming to encourage Terra to continue, his tongue stroking away at her folds with vigor. Aqua forces herself up on one hand, watching Terra look up at her with those new brown eyes even as he continues to pleasure her, his expression somehow questioning. Like he’s asking ‘is this good enough?’

“You’re—fuck, Terra, you’re doing so good...” Aqua says, brushing his hair back and sinking her fingers into it. “Harder, now.” She curls her fingers into a fist, pulling him forward by his hair until his eyes close and she bucks forward against his face, his tongue and lips working at her all the more intensely. “Oh, fuck.” Aqua gasps, breaths coming short and sharp with every stroke of Terra’s tongue. “Harder.” Terra obeys, lapping away at her with such obscene sounds that gratify her all the more with the intensity he’s putting into the task at hand. Just the slightest brush of her clit when he changes positions makes her cry out, again and again and again. Oversensitive and overwhelmed, that coiled fire in her belly screams for more. It’s not enough, not yet, maybe not ever. “More.  _ More _ .” She bites out clipped syllables, all she’s capable of anymore between moans and curses. Finally, impossibly, she teeters over the edge again, her grip becoming iron in Terra’s hair as she comes against his face, wave after earth-shaking wave of pleasure coursing through her. 

It’s not enough. Even as she looks down at Terra and releases his head, she knows that she’s not satisfied, somehow. And when he looks up at her, his face splattered with her wetness and eyes shining with something ineffable, she can tell he feels the same. So when he stands, she takes his hand and pulls him back onto the bed, inviting him to climb onto her.

“I’m not done with you yet.” She says, eyes never wavering from Terra’s.

“I...what do you have in mind?” He doesn’t sound surprised, but the hesitation and the way one of his eyebrows twitches tells her that he’s worrying over something, presumably her. She reaches between them with her other hand, pushing through the surprisingly dense weave of pubes to his cock, fingertips barely brushing the shaft.

“I want you to fuck me, Terra.”

“But…” He stops, seeing the determination in her eyes.

“I can take it. Just be gentle, or I’m gonna finish faster than you.” Aqua smiles. She really is enjoying herself, for the first time in forever. 

“Don’t think that’s going to be the problem.” Terra laughs, settling in over her. “Hey, can I...can we try a different position? I’ve got an idea.”

“Sure.” Terra brings his knees together between her legs, and with a quick heave picks her up and into his lap, his arms wrapped around her waist and her legs wrapped around him “Oh. Adventurous.”

“I might have been thinking about this one for a while.” His laugh is more nervous now. “If it doesn’t work out, we can do something else.”

“It’s going to be fine, Terra.” She brushes his hair back into place and kisses him, placing her forehead against his. “Just go with what feels right. I trust you.”

“Okay. Okay.” He smiles, but the nervous energy in the way his hands move is undeniable. After a moment of resettling himself just right, he kisses her once more and rolls himself up into her. After coming twice already back to back, just this much stimulation makes Aqua wail, clawing for purchase on Terra’s back. “Are you okay?”

“Y-yeah.” Aqua lies, grinning and putting her head over his shoulder so he can’t see her grit her teeth. Oh, fuck, maybe this wasn’t a good idea. The second he moves it’s like his tongue but a hundred times worse, blotting out everything on her mind with every stroke.

“Fuck. Aqua, Aqua…” Terra grits out from under clenched teeth, his breath hot on her neck. A slow, steady stream of curses pours into her ear, Terra’s cock in her punctuating each one with a hard stop and a gasp of breath.

“Fuck. Faster, Terra, faster.” She manages, rolling her hips against his in time with him. Fuck, she can’t think, the only thought in her head to chase this feeling until she chokes on it. Her head pressed to Terra’s shoulder, she writhes in Terra’s grip, unstoppable wave after wave of his work pouring over her. He listened to her, shifting his grip to her hips and forcing himself up into her more rapidly with every passing moment, seemingly tireless even as she loses her ability to keep up with him. The unbearable heat in her burns hotter with every moment of his touch, that fiery point of contact between their legs stoking it higher and higher until the core of it feels like a sun inside her, flaring and ready to burst. “Terra, I can’t, I can’t, I’m gonna, fuck, fuck—” 

“I know, I’m almost there too, just hang on, Aqua, I’m gonna—” He starts to lift her up and off of him, threatening to cut things just short, just before she’s come, and the fire in her crackles.

“Where do you think you’re going? I’m not  _ done!” _ Aqua locks her legs around him and shoves herself down, and Terra shouts in surprise when she sinks her teeth into his shoulder, her canines biting through flesh. She comes then as the taste of blood fills her mouth and Terra follows not long after, groaning and panting his way into his own orgasm in Aqua’s ear and pouring into her from below. At long last, the heat burns off, finally starved of fuel and smothered to embers. Finally, when she can think again, Aqua releases Terra’s shoulder, spitting a mouthful of his blood on the tile floor and shuddering somewhere between utter revulsion and an indescribable pleasure that she had never imagined she would feel doing something like that. “Fuck, Terra, I’m so sorry, I—”

“It’s fine.” Terra smears blood across his shoulder, looking at it on his hand and shrugging. “I’ve been hurt worse training. It’s not even bleeding that much.” 

“That doesn’t make it okay, Terra…” Aqua whips off her shirt, wrapping it around his shoulder and tying it loosely in place.

“Hey, come on, that’s your shirt.” He puts a hand on his shoulder over hers as she finishes tying.

“Quiet. Be nicer to yourself, Terra, don’t just bleed everywhere like it’s not a problem. Besides, I have a dozen more rolls of fabric, I’ll make another. This one had terrible construction, anyway.”

“Hey, take your own advice. My girlfriend made that shirt, you know.” Terra smiles when Aqua gives him an incredulous look. “I’ve wanted to say that for so long, I gotta get it in when I can.” 

“There’s no way you would have been this smooth 11 years ago.” Aqua mutters, getting out of his lap and laying back down in Terra’s bed, tugging her pants back up into their proper place. He scoots in next to her, laying on his side against hers.

“Oh, I know. 11 years ago Terra would have stammered on ‘girlfriend’.” He smiles. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” She leans over, kissing him lightly. “We need to talk to Ven. He knows, but I want to make it official.”

“You’re okay with that? Him knowing, I mean.” Terra raises an eyebrow.

“I was being stupid when I was asking you to not tell him. I knew he’d figure it out, I just...I don’t know.” She shakes her head. “It wasn’t fair to ask that of you, and it wasn’t fair to try and hide it from him.”

“It’s okay. I think we all need a little time to get back to a good place, you know?” Terra reaches up, running his fingers through her hair and dragging his nails across her scalp.

“Ven said the same thing.” She leans into the touch, murmuring wordless appreciation. “We don’t have much of it right now, but we can make the best of what we have.”

“Right.” Terra nods. “And when everything’s over, we’ll have all the time in the world to take care of anything.”

“Yeah.” Aqua sighs, stretching. The exhaustion that had been an omnipresent part of her for days now is creeping closer, the strain of being with Terra so vigorously taking its toll. “How much longer until dinner?”

“Oh, shit. I was supposed to be taking a bath, damn it.” Terra scrambles to his feet, digging through the detritus of his room until he finds his shirt and the black leather pants from his outfit. “Be back soon, okay? I’ll bring you dinner in bed once I get Ven set up.”

“Okay.” Aqua stretches out on his bed, pulling Terra’s blanket over her and sighing contentedly. “I’m taking a nap. After dinner, I have an idea I want to run by you about him, too.” She smiles when Terra gives her a thumbs up from the door, then retreats back to give her another kiss before bolting out into the hallway buck naked. She loves that dumb man so much.

* * *

The next morning, Ven takes the initiative to climb out of bed and roam back to the kitchen in search of more of that stew left over from last night. Terra had been weird when he got back from his bath, sweaty and kind of out of it in a really smiley way. Ven’s got a sneaking suspicion of what exactly happened there, but he’s not gonna say anything, one way or the other. That said...something’s off. As he walks down the hall, he can hear the clanging of pots and pans and muttering of voices just beyond the swinging door into the kitchen. Wait...are Aqua and Terra both in there? He slips closer to the door as quietly as he can, pressing an ear to the door.

“...y this.” Terra(?) says.

“Oh...You’re so generous, sweetheart. It’s so big, what am I gonna do with all of this?” Aqua, who must be closer to the door, replies.

Oh damn it. Did those two get over themselves and decide to fuck in the kitchen? He’s hungry, damn it! They should know he needs food, he’s still getting better! He bangs on the door three times.   
“Hey, I’m coming in, hide your shame or whatever!” Ven calls before pushing into the room and bracing himself for the worst. Thankfully, that incredibly leading dialogue wasn’t actually them going at it. Instead, he has walked in on Aqua and Terra finishing up with decorating a cake. Aqua is paused with a surprised expression, in the middle of licking the spatula clean of frosting, having finished layering it on said cake from a heaping bowl of the same. Terra was apparently placing strawberries around the edge of the cake, having stopped mid-placement to stare at Ven. “Oh. What the...what are you doing? Terra, you hate cakes.”

“I hate  _ sweet _ cakes.” Terra sets down his bowl, pulling out a chair at the table for Ven to sit in. 

“Yeah, so, cakes, they’re all sweet.” Ven sits down, frowning. “What’s going on?”

“Well…” Aqua says, putting down the now-clean spatula. “I was thinking that we needed to celebrate. We’re together again, after all.”

“And we’ve got other stuff to celebrate, too.” Terra sidles up to Aqua, taking her hand. “We’re official.”

“We were official before, it was just...complicatedly official.” Aqua shrugs, smiling sadly. “I’m sorry we tried to keep you out of the loop.”

“Ehh, no big deal.” Ven folds his arms behind his head. “You two are super obvious, honestly.” Ven can’t help but grin when Aqua and Terra look at each other in confusion. Really, guys, you act like you’re married already. Though, if he said that to them, they might self-destruct. “I knew you’d tell me when you’re ready.”

“Still. We’ve been neglectful, and it’s not right. So this is a celebration slash apology cake. We’ve missed 11 years of birthdays for each of us, after all.”

“So, I’m gonna be learning to bake with Aqua’s help, and you two get to taste-test until they’re just right.” Terra picks up a knife from the table, cutting off nearly a quarter of the cake and placing it on a plate in front of Ven. “Hope you like strawberry vanilla, it’s all I have to work with until we get regular food shipments again.”

“I mean…” Ven cuts off a gigantic forkful and devours it, talking around his mouthful. “I’m not saying no to sugar.”

“He takes after Master, huh.” Aqua says, linking a hand with Terra, who only tsks and shakes his head. “I’ll get you more mixed nuts from the storeroom later.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“That’s not the only nut he’s getting today, I bet.” Ven mumbles around another forkful of cake.

“ _ What _ did you say, Ven?” Aqua says, leaning towards him over the table. Her hand is  _ worryingly  _ close to the knife.

“Nothing!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutouts to [Yormgen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/yormgen) for a lot of brainstorming on some of the particular details of this fic, most specifically the changes to Ven's appearance (if everybody else aged, he gets to age too, damn it!) and the idea of Aqua wanting to celebrate everyone's missed birthdays. You're a star, and I hid this at the end so you wouldn't know I used some of our brainstorms until they happened, teehee.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terra and Aqua reflect upon the recent past, and their imprisonments.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I knew that I was gonna have to come back to this sooner or later and get that real good angst about their imprisonments, and then I had just the woooooorst best idea for what to do with it.
> 
> Stuff to know: I'm obeying a different (maybe? its still unclear how everything with terranort worked, because the Secret Reports imply that Xemnas and Ansem are both replicas, which would stand to reason that Terranort is the recompletion of Xemnas and Ansem, based on Dream Drop Distance mechanics regarding the nobodies) interpretation of Nobody mechanics than I think KH3 does. I've elected to have them re-divide as part of the plan, because 1 replica to summon Terra-Xehanort from the past seems easier than 2 for those two. So...yeah. Xemnas is still Terra's keeper here, rather than Terra-Xehanort or Ansem's Guardian.

Terra startles himself awake one night, his whole body flexing in panic at an unseen foe. He’s halfway out of bed by the time his brain finishes waking up and realizes he’s not about to be bisected by Riku’s keyblade. _Fuck, not this again._

“Terra?” Aqua says sleepily, looking over her shoulder and blinking up at him sitting upright in bed.

“Sorry.” He lowers himself back down next to her, pulling Aqua close again and trying to will the adrenaline out of his body. “Just a bad dream.” She rolls over in his arms, turning to face him.

“Want to talk about it?” Her eyes are red-rimmed, and he can tell she wants to sleep as badly as him, but it’s not coming. He wishes he hadn’t managed to drift off, like he was taunting her by falling asleep so much more easily.

“Mmh…” Terra hesitates. “Just another Xemnas dream.” They've talked about it, his memories of the years between, in fits and starts. Mostly because it comes back to him in fits and starts. When Terra says that he remembers every moment inside Xehanort, and then Xemnas, he had _technically speaking_ been lying through his teeth. He doesn’t remember _every_ moment of life, had spent a great deal of his time locked inside his own body in a dissociative fugue. In Xehanort, he had been standing on a vast, windswept plateau eerily similar to the site of his last battle. When they split into Ansem and Xemnas, the form of his prison morphed into a vast, empty castle of sterile white stone draped in black chains that wrap around him all the more tightly if he struggles. He couldn’t feel discomfort in these places from his bindings, but felt discomfited by them regardless. For want of stimulation, he had only to turn his sight inward to watch as Xemnas wreaked havoc across the worlds. More often than not, he simply didn’t, meditating upon a recitation of his own sins. It had been relatively easy to not face what happened in the real world back then.

But what the mind forgets, the body remembers.

More nights than not, Terra falls asleep and finds himself in a waking dream of the events his body was party to. Every memory is as if Terra lived it himself, a full sensory experience, even pain (though that wakes him more often than not). He usually wakes from them on the verge of nausea, furious and afraid of what comes next. Some nights, when Aqua doesn’t share his bed for any number of reasons, he gets up and forces himself to stay awake, pacing the hallways as an alternative to the awful reality of sleep and the horrors it will bring him.

The dreams vary, with few direct repetitions. With Aqua’s help, he’s pieced together a relatively intact picture of the years. She knows almost everything that happened, the bits that he saw directly when he tried to fight his way free and the ones he didn't. Xehanort worming his way into the heart of Radiant Garden, chasing the tutelage of Ansem the Wise in the secrets of hearts. The wise man’s exile, the hideous experiments that lead to Ansem’s split, Xemnas using the same tactics to convert the newly Nobodied disciples to his false quest for Kingdom Hearts.

Some of the dreams hurt him more than others. Memories of Roxas break his heart. He remembers seeing him one day peeking into Xemnas’ sight and feeling his heart shatter to see what he was positive was Ven’s Nobody, the clearest proof that Ven’s heart had fallen to darkness without his protection. Even now, sure of Ven’s safety, he wakes from those dreams with adrenaline burning like fire in his veins. Other dreams are of Xemnas meditating upon the mysterious armor and blade he was found with. Terra watched him stare motionlessly at Aqua’s keyblade armor and Rainfall for hours, tearing himself to shreds over the greatest failure of all his awful acts, his failure to protect the one person who mattered to him most. His fury-fueled attempts to take back control back then only led Xemnas to more serious inquiry into his past, further meditation that left Terra wracked with guilt. Despair took him, for a time. This was his personal hell, to be trapped in this manner and only able to watch the worlds burn down to ash and dust.

Aqua knows all these dreams, nightmares without number. Has comforted him through reciting them, putting names to the evils of the past and moving on from them as best as he can now.

But she doesn't know this one. Terra’s last Xemnas memory, and what came after it. There are stories any sane person would never tell, shameful and personal and simply too awful for words. This is one of them.

“Terra.” Aqua says, blinking at him with worry. “Are you okay?”

He takes a shaky breath, shaking his head. He can’t keep this in anymore. This is a memory he remembers firsthand, and reliving it in dreams again and again without the relief of releasing them will break him. And...She deserves to know what happened. To him. To herself.

“No. I need to tell you about this one.”

“Okay.” Aqua leans closer, her eyes shining in the dark in a way he's ever seen anyone else’s, and kisses him. “I’m ready if you are.”

“Yeah.” Terra closes his eyes, pulling her just a little bit closer and trying to find the right words to explain it all. “I’m on a beach.”

* * *

Xemnas stands on a beach at dusk, watching the way thin light filters down from some strata of the darkness above him, casting the ocean in rich blacks and the sand in stark greys. Terra watches, too, having fallen into the habit of watching more often than not after the shock of Xemnas’ recompletion forced him back into the desert mindscape without warning. Now, though, Xemnas and Ansem are separate once more, and he can feel his other half like a bad tooth, a pain that lingers even when he’s not thinking about it and tells him only that the monster lurks nearby. He’s out there, nearby.

He knows why they’re here in the dark. For hours now Terra has struggled for control, getting little more than flashes of it, barely enough to lift a hand. Over the years, he has scarcely managed even that much, the strength of Xehanort’s last binding placed upon him before the fall into the dark too much to fight on his own. And oh, how badly Terra wants control, because Ansem found Aqua, down in the dark. Chanced upon her at the margin between light and dark, where they mingle into a twilight without end. And then he threw her into its deepest, darkest pit, to let her drown in despair until she joins them.

_(“Terra.” Aqua says, wrapping her arms around him just a little bit tighter, speaking into his chest. She hasn’t been able to meet his eyes since he started. “That wasn’t your fault. If it’s anyone’s, it’s mine, or Xehanort’s.”_

_“It didn’t feel like that, then.”)_

“Are you still trying?” Xemnas’ voice reverberates in his ear, his inner voice filling the castle Terra meditates in. “To hold onto your heart after 11 years trapped in another’s is quite something, Terra. But that’s all you can do, now, isn’t it? Hold on for dear life.” Terra hates to admit it, but he’s right. Even existing feels like it takes something out of him, draining some precious resource he can’t name. “How do you bear it? Feeling, feeling anything at all, as you are now. Such an unconscionable pain. For what?”

_(“You know, you don't have to do the voice.” Aqua murmurs._

_“What voice?”_

_“...Nevermind.”)_

“Fuck you.” Terra breathes harder, squeezing his eyes tighter shut to focus on the scenery around Xemnas and not the pain in his own heart. He can’t even begin to stop them from taking Aqua from him completely, making her into something else. But he won’t give up. Not ever. One day, he will make this right. All of it. Everything.

“How very eloquent. I must say, it truly is interesting. A beast without a heart, who has a heart locked away inside him. I...wonder. I wonder what it must be like, to have a heart.” Xemnas reaches up, lifting his chin to stare up at the thin light in the sky, watching his hand close over nothing at all. “To want something. To want it more than anything.”

“You did want something. Kingdom Hearts.” Terra says, his voice strained. “I saw that in you.”

Xemnas laughs sharply, a bark of surprise. “True enough. Does the act of desiring make you human, or does the simple fact of your humanity mean that you cannot help but desire?”

“How am I supposed to know that?” Terra returns to concentrating, making Xemnas’ finger spasm at random until he closes his hand again.

“I would think that your proximity to my heart would surely aid you, prisoner of mine. Do you not feel it, the way it quivers in my breast? The thing I desire is so close at hand, I cannot help but notice the way that it beats faster with every moment that brings me closer to it.” Terra doesn’t reply, forcing all of his will into Xemnas’ hand until his whole arm shakes like trembling earth. “Hmm. As eloquent as expected, I suppose. Let us have this discussion another time. I can hear fireflies buzzing closer.” Xemnas’ arm stops shaking as he turns away from the ocean, a baleful red light lancing from his hand and deflecting a blast of fire down into the sand at his feet.

“Xemnas!” The boy named Riku shouts, leaping through the air keyblade-first and crashing down into Xemnas’ crossed blades of light, the very air around them sizzling with the ocean spray in the air. “Where is she?!” One of Terra’s only good acts was giving Riku the keyblade, he’s positive of it now.

“Ah, Riku. Always to the point.” Xemnas strikes Riku with a boot to the midsection, breaking their stalemate and flourishing with both hands in an exaggerated bow. “No surprise to see me? You wound me.” Riku staggers back to his feet, raising his keyblade in a stance that speaks volumes to his intentions to Terra: all offense, throwing his body and soul into every strike. It’s how Terra fought, before Master tempered that boundless drive into a harder, more careful focus.

_(“I know this is serious, and I’m taking it seriously, but you critiquing my fellow Master on his keyblade technique…” Aqua shakes her head. “How many months did it take you to stop being that dumb apprentice who couldn’t muster a guard to save his life?”_

_“Okay, fine, point taken. Jeez.” Aqua rolls her eyes at him, shaking her head further until he continues.)_

“Shut up and _move!”_ Riku leaps forward, forcing Xemnas into a series of deft blocks with strike after hammering strike that drive him back across the beach, the sea lapping at their boots. Riku never stops advancing, step after step after step in time with every crushing blow. His keyblade is massive, at least as large and weighty as Terra’s, and he wields it like it weighs nothing at all, sweeping it wide and crashing down on Xemnas’ guard harder with every swing. Terra realizes with a start that with Riku here, a real keyblade wielder in the flesh, this is his chance to try to change things. When he sees an opening, Terra shouts a _kiai_ for strength and jerks Xemnas’ arm out of the position he was prepared to block in, yanking it upwards as if by marionette string.

“What?!” Xemnas gasps before the keyblade collides with his stomach, the force of RIku’s blow hurling him bodily into the surf. Climbing to his feet, the ocean around Xemnas freezes from Riku’s follow-up barrage of ice magic, locking him in place for Riku to batter him again. The boy delivers a crushing blow to Xemnas’ left arm that kicks him free of his bindings and launches him sailing through the air, landing hard on the beach in a spray of sand.

“I’m not repeating myself, Xemnas. Where is Master Aqua?!” Riku puts the tip of his keyblade to Xemnas’ throat as he starts to get to his feet, green eyes burning with fury.

“It would seem you have me at a disadvantage.” Xemnas leans back, propping himself up with one arm. “I don’t know a thing about this Master you seek. I was simply enjoying the scenery of the Margin.” Terra, so very focused on the every movement of his body, can feel Xemnas’ fingers twitch behind him, out of Riku’s line of sight. Behind him, far enough away that the light shed by it couldn’t give it away, another beam of red light flashes into being in the hazy night sky.

“Don’t play dumb!” Riku jabs his keyblade closer to Xemnas’ neck, and the Interdictor launches itself towards his back. Terra, howling with all his strength and straining against the bindings that have held him for so long, seizes control of his mouth for the first time in over a decade.

“Move, kid!” The castle rumbles around him, stone shifting and rearranging itself in fury, the walls sprouting curved spikes and his bindings tightening painfully. In the real world, Riku reacts without thought, leaping to the side and grunting in shock when the Interdictor zips through the space where his heart had occupied, scorching an impact crater into glass in the sand dune past them.

“Damnable heart, I tire of your games! Master Xehanort had bid me hold you a little longer, but your time is at an end!” Xehanort leaps to his feet, an Interdictor sprouting from each hand.

“Heart? Whose heart do you have, Xemnas?!” Riku rises into a combat stance, his blade held high by his ear, utterly without defense to Terra’s eyes. Around him, he can hear stone grinding closer to him, inching infinitesimally closer as Xemnas’ heart prepares to devour his.

“You know who I am!” Xemnas says, springing forward and striking Riku’s barrier spell. He holds his hand forward for magic, apparently; far too cavalier for Terra’s liking.

_(“You never did get the hang of protective magic, did you. It’s strong stuff, in the right hands.” Aqua teases him, a finger sliding along the line of his jaw._

_“C’mon. This is serious. He’s reckless.”_

_“I know. And he’s not reckless. He had a plan, you just didn’t know it. It’s not his failing that you can’t anticipate everything, Terra. You’re human, and so is he.”)_

“The bearer of the blade, the light that fell to darkness! I am all of these, fool, traitor, trusted friend!” Xemnas growls, pressing his swords of light harder against the barrier until it begins to crack.

“Terra? I knew it!” Riku shatters the spell with explosive force, launching Xemnas back and chasing with an overhead blow Xemnas catches between crossed blades. “You have to fight, Terra, you can beat him!”

The boy’s right. He has to fight. He can feel the walls closing, the way the sound grows louder and louder until it feels like the whole world is shaking and encircling him tighter and tighter. Straining against his bindings, he rips control of Xemnas’ mouth from him during an exchange of blows that follows.

“I’m trapped in here, kid, you gotta figure out something! I’m not strong enough on my own to break free!” Xemnas grunts in anger when he hurls Terra back into his place, gritting his teeth and counter-striking every blow from Riku with impossible speed. The dance continues as the walls grind slower, their impossible weight bearing down upon each other and him trapped in the center.

“You’re not alone!” Riku shouts between blows, using the same barrier expulsion trick on Xemnas and sowing the night sky with fire spells that rain down on his foe while he speaks. “There are so many hearts still connected to your own, even if you think they’re gone! Ventus, Aqua, King Mickey, and me, and all your friends!” Through the curling flames, Terra can see Riku drop his guard, his hand closed over his heart. “The strength to protect what’s precious doesn’t just come from inside, Terra. It’s in the people you love, the people who love you back with all their heart! So you’re not alone. And I know you’re strong enough to fight him. So get the _FUCK_ up and fight, so you can go home to them!”

Everyone. All the friends Terra made, even if they’re long gone, even if their worlds fell to darkness, he can still feel them in his heart, the strength they give him to keep going. Ventus and Aqua, most of all.

And somehow, he can still feel Master, too. That knowledge pains him, but he can feel Master’s heart, even after all these years, distant but still there, somewhere. Everything he taught Terra still rests inside him, the true measure of the man who raised him remains long after he’s departed this world. _Terra. Take heart in this: no one I have ever met believes so fully, so utterly in the light. Let that steadfast belief in the goodness of others guide you to heights you have scarcely imagined, my son._ Somewhere, in some recess of his mind, he hears Master’s final valediction to him, before the Mark of Mastery exam return to him once more.

_(“Wait.” Aqua puts a hand on Terra’s chest, stopping him entirely. “You heard Master?”_

_“I...don’t know. I think it was just a memory, like my heart knew I needed to remember.” Terra shrugs with one shoulder. “Why?”_

_“Mm. It’s nothing. Keep going.” Aqua hums, unconvinced.)_

“Bold words, but not good enough! His heart teeters on the brink of destruction! And so will yours!” Xemnas springs through the flames, leaping for Riku’s defenseless form.

Terra breaks every binding on himself in that moment, the strength of countless friends giving him unbelievable power in his moment of need. With a wordless cry of fury, unbridled sorrow and anger, every single thought that he has given to the people he loves in his imprisonment giving him the strength to shatter every binding, to break every lock with unrelenting will. Riku leaps out of the way of Xemnas’ writhing form, watching him skid to a stop in the sand clutching his chest in pain.

“This...is my body.” Terra says, wresting control with scant effort. “Not yours.” He tears a hand away from his chest, closing its fingers around the hilt of Ends of the Earth when it flashes into being. “It’s time you _get the fuck out of it!”_ With a deft flip Terra catches it by the blade, biting through his glove and into flesh painfully as he jams it into his heart, undoing the final binding upon his heart and unmooring both himself and Xemnas from his own body.

_(“Oh, Terra, no. Doing that in the darkness, with your heart unprotected?” Aqua looks at him with obvious concern. “Did you realize you would throw your own heart out at the same time?”_

_“I knew what I was doing. With him ready to destroy me, it was the only way out I could see.”)_

The castle around him dissolves into nothingness. The dark surrounds Terra on every side, rushing forward to fill the void with inky black nothing. It yawns, sloshing closer, and then a flash of light that feels so very familiar, so warm and caring and loving burns it all away, sweeping him to safety. When he opens his eyes, Terra feels the weight of being settle down upon him, every pain inflicted upon Xemnas that had seemed so distant now so very real. His ribs are broken and his left arm is nearly useless now, hanging limply on his side after the keyblade trick and Riku’s blow to it in the fight. He can feel Ends of the Earth resting on his knee, thankfully not cutting him any worse than it already has. Blinking to clear his vision, he sees Riku standing over him, head tilted just so.

“Terra?” Riku says, his keyblade still in hand.

“Terra.” Terra nods, wincing painfully at the pain in his ribs doubling as he tries to sit up. Still, he powers through it, picking up his keyblade and vanishing it in his hand. Looking back at Riku, he finds him offering a hand, which he gladly takes and nearly bowls the young man over in the process of getting to his feet.

“Welcome back.”

“Yeah. Glad you ended up turning out even better than I thought.” Terra says, smiling. Riku looks a little embarrassed, like he doesn’t quite know how to take that from him of all people.

“Right. Can you fight? Master Aqua’s not going to be alone out there.” Riku nods out past the ocean’s waves, to an island on the horizon. Terra lifts his right arm tentatively, stretching his shoulder and stifling a groan of pain. This ‘being in your own body’ stuff sucks when you just spent the last 10 minutes helping kick it’s ass. Staring out at the island, he knows he’s not ready for what’s coming.

“I’ll fight.” And he doesn’t care. He’s going to save Aqua, or die trying.

* * *

Terra pauses then, watching Aqua’s expression. She’s been quiet, offering little interjection save for when she is truly surprised or worried by the arc of events. She must know what it leads to, at least on some level.

“That’s not all of the dream, is it.” She says quietly.

“No. It’s not.” He doesn’t take his eyes off of her, the way her lips twitch in distaste at his reply. She doesn’t move, staring back up at him.

“I want to hear it.” The look in her eyes is determined. She must not remember. Somehow, some way, the darkness robbed her of this, too. His memory of that night on the beach is razor-sharp, keen from long recollection. He’s thought so many times of it, their first reunion marred by blood. Of being forced to his knees, his keyblade buried in the sand next to him as Aqua loomed over him in all her dark majesty. An avenging angel, bearing his litany of sins upon her tongue.

* * *

Reaching the island is easier than expected. Riku used some spell on them both that turns the ocean waves to stone under their feet, save when errant waves wash up over their boots. The two of them make the crossing in silence, Riku never once letting his keyblade (Braveheart, he learns; apt, he thinks) disappear from his hand. _Just in case_ , he says with a small smile that does nothing to hide Riku’s trepidation to be this deep in the dark alone. He had come with King Mickey, in search of Aqua, and been separated. So now he’s heading for her and hoping that Mickey does the same. He’s not talkative. Maybe that’s for the best. Terra’s still adjusting to the feeling of being in his own body, that his jaw has weight and his peculiar black coat catches against itself when he moves in certain ways.

_(Of the island, Aqua remembers only fragments. The smell of salty sea air that reminds her so very much of a home she can scarcely remember, corrupted by the tang of copper and something slippery that she can’t quite hold onto. Wet sand slick with something that isn’t water, more viscous by far. The feel of her heart pounding in her chest, adrenaline rushing through every part of her. A thrill that makes her feel sick to her stomach, want to puke and puke and puke until nothing is left.)_

They see someone, two someones waiting on the far shore as they approach, visible in silhouette only by the contrast of white sand as backdrop. The liminal light from above reaches here weakly, pitching the island deeper into twilight. Terra knows this island has never seen more than this ever before, the very boundary of where light can reach before it becomes pure darkness. They’re on the edge of the edge, teetering towards something and praying it’s a reunion.

_(Snippets of words fill Aqua’s head as she hears Terra describe the island, the jutting rock face that made up it’s center and the beach that surrounds it. Just words, nothing more._

_Abandonment. Betrayal. Rejection._

_Sorrow. Hatred. Fury._

**_Revenge._ **

_They creep back to her like beasts returning to their den, settling over her and shrouding her thoughts in darkness. She remembers what she felt like, watching the black ocean lap at the land of the margin. Thoughts turning darker by the moment in this place. The temporary respite of Ansem the Wise’s words, that heartened her until the man who looked so very much like Terra took her by the throat and held her under the water until she lost herself. If this is all that remains of those times, then so be it. She will bear such dark thoughts, to help Terra through his own._

_It’s the least she can do for him, right now.)_

“Brother!” One figure shrouded in the same coat calls to Terra as they approach the beach, throwing back his hood and revealing Ansem’s face. “What brings you to return with a guest?” The figure next to Ansem doesn’t move, is shrouded not by clothing but by the darkness itself, pouring off of them in waves. His heart twists painfully when he sees a flicker of something pass over the figure, a gesture of brushing hair back that he would recognize anywhere.

_(No. No no no. Aqua can’t say it, can’t open her mouth. Terra doesn’t react to her shock, save to take her hand from his hip and hold it carefully. Like she’ll break if he squeezes too hard. Maybe she will.)_

“Xemnas is dead.” Terra calls back, matter of fact. “It’s over.” Riku stops when Terra does, his keyblade still in hand. Out of the corner of his eye, Terra watches him take up that same combat stance, his blade aimed for Ansem, waiting for the right moment.

“You’re too late.” The voice that comes from Ansem’s companion is Aqua’s but not, tainted by something deep in her heart. She steps forward, the stuff of darkness literally dripping from her until they can see what remains underneath. Her hair has lost color, a gleaming grey-white in the darkness. Her wide eyes that had always been crinkled in a smile for him instead stare pitilessly forward, the whites of her eyes dyed black and her irises a vibrant, poisonous yellow. Her clothes are torn and mended and torn again, tattered beyond recognition. Her harness was abandoned, the mark of apprenticeship pinning a cloth belt in place around her waist. Her fingers are stained the red of blood and dried gore, black nails tapering to a point raised to point at him. “You’re first. Then the boy dies after.” Aqua says without rancor.

 _(Aqua watches Terra swallow hard, pausing for a moment in recounting events. What must be going through his head, to have remembered this so many times now, to retell it to someone who should know_ exactly _what she did and somehow doesn’t, by some cruel trick of fate? She squeezes his hand, trying to stop the part of her mind that can’t stop counting the ways that she failed him so far in its tracks. It doesn’t.)_

“She had a marvellously strong heart, to bear 11 years in the dark alone.” Ansem says, walking around to her side. “It was a pleasure to break her. My greatest success, I dare say.”

“Shut up.” Aqua snaps, her hand falling to her side. She doesn’t make a fist, but the way she holds her hand reminds him of a big cat baring it’s claws, every finger ready for use. What happened to her? “This isn’t for you. This is for _me.”_

“Don’t forget your place, beast.” Ansem replies, walking around to stand in front of her, actually turning his back to Terra and Riku. The boy nearly starts to leap forward, but Terra grabs him by the bicep, holding him back. “I hold your escape from this realm in my hands. All you need to do is what you already want to: punish the bearers of light.” Some instinct, a gut feeling tells Terra what’s about to happen.

“Aqua, don’t!” Terra shouts, breaking into a sprint and summoning his keyblade.

_(That same feeling of nausea rises again in Aqua. The taste she had on the tip of her tongue, it’s not salt water and copper, it’s—)_

Terra sees something black pass through Ansem’s chest, exploding out the back of his coat in a shower of darkness and gore. Aqua rips her hand back out of him, the former Seeker of Darkness falling to his knees and vanishing in a boiling cloud of black smoke. Terra lopes to a stop, shocked beyond anything as he watches Aqua lick dark blood from her hand, that same pitiless look fixed on him as she smears blood on her fangs.

_(“I have to, I have to—” Aqua hyperventilates, leaping from bed and only getting as far as Terra’s wastebasket before she throws up. She’s aware of Terra getting out of bed after her and crouching beside her, and when she’s done he helps her gently back to bed._

_“I think we should stop.” Terra says, taking her hand again. “I...this can wait. When everything’s over.”_

_“It’s never just going to be over.” Aqua says, exhausted and weary but determined. “Please. I want to hear it all. I have to.” Terra sighs, not out of any defeat but more likely an exhaustion of his own. But he keeps telling her what happened. What she did to him.)_

“Aqua…” Terra is at a loss for words, frozen in place on the beach. “What happened to you?”

“I fell, and no one caught me.” She says it matter-of-factly, flicking the rest of the mess from her hand. When she smiles, he can see her blood-smeared teeth shining white speckled with red in the dark. “That was supposed to be _your_ job, but you ran away from it. Ran away from _me!”_ Aqua kicks off the beach with a spray of sand, flying for his face and slamming him back into the surf with an elbow. A hand closes over his throat, nails splitting flesh and a grip like steel sealing his throat. When the water rushes over him next, it burns like coldest ice against his skin, the stuff of darkness eating away at him. “Everything you ever did only hurt me, did you know that, Terra?” His heart lurches, the thought that had turned around in his head again and again over the years stated outright.

( _“That’s not true.” Aqua says weakly, looking away. “I...Terra, you can’t believe anything I said when I was like this. None of this is true.” She stifles the cruel part of her heart that tries to protest her words._

_There’s a pause, longer than she wishes it had been. “No. Of course not.”_

Oh, Terra _, she thinks to herself.)_

“Aqua, stop!” Riku appears in his line of vision, his keyblade easily blocked by Aqua’s free hand. “Terra is your friend, you can’t—”

“Shut up or die, worm!” Her grip tightens on the keyblade, lifting it higher and hurling him and his weapon back across the beach behind her. Turning back to Terra, she grins wickedly. “From the moment you left, Terra, all you did was put knives in my heart, everywhere I looked. Such an awful man.” She lifts him out of the surf, hauling him to his feet as easy as breathing and hauling him to the sheer stone cliff further up the beach, slamming his back against it. Struggling, he grabs her wrist and tries to free himself, but to no avail. “I believed in you. I loved you, once. Did nothing but put my hand out for you to take, to come back to me. And you turned and you fled and you _killed our master!_ Then, you couldn’t even die properly, and I threw myself down here to save you. What a joke. A tragedy so funny I cried laughing.”

“A-qua.” Terra gasps, his grip weakening on her arm by the second. “Please.”

“Oh, will you apologize? I’d love to hear you apologize. It won’t change a fucking thing, but it would make me _so_ happy. Maybe I’ll make your death hurt just a little less if you do it.” Her grip on his throat tightens as he tries to find the words, some way to make this right.

“Terra!” Riku calls from somewhere past Aqua. The whole scene swims in his eyes, through tears and exertion his vision narrows until it’s only her face, the snarling mask of hate she holds for him. And then something crashes, hurling Aqua away from him in an explosion of thunder and noise. Terra’s vision clears and finds Riku standing over him, his blade raised defensively in front of them both. “Aqua, you have to stop! This isn’t you, remember who you used to be! I know what you’re going through, and this isn’t the real you! The darkness is hiding it from you!”

“This _is_ who I am now!” Aqua screeches, striking Riku’s guard again and again with bare fists and claws in a squealing of metal. “Does it scare you, little boy? The weak little one who fell behind and begged for forgiveness, that’s all you are! You and your miserable little bastard-king couldn’t be bothered to find the one who saved your worthless little lives from being enveloped by the darkness, could you? You ran away from every problem you’ve ever faced, just like Terra! He tainted you with his keyblade, and we both know it!”

“What? No, I, Mickey wouldn’t, Terra—” Aqua finds the gap in his defense then, knocking his keyblade away with a roundhouse and hurling him at the rock behind Terra with a follow-up kick. Stumbling to his feet, he finds his guard again and counterstrikes Aqua’s boot before it connects with his head. “None of that is true! We had no way to find you here! Terra isn’t to blame for this!”

“Shut up!” She changes stance, striking with every limb and moving with an animal instinct past every strike that Riku attempts. Her assault is unending, boots and claws every which way as Terra struggles his way to his feet. “You left me, same as Terra did! I rotted in the dark, 11 years without anything but a war without end to keep me from becoming a hollow shell! I fought every second of my life down here to survive, and no help came! Worthless!”

“Enough!” Terra yells, striking the rock behind him with his keyblade hard enough to shake the island. Aqua flips back from the exchange of blows, landing crouched low and glaring at Terra. “I’m the one you’re angry with. Kill me first, if you can.” He takes a stance from early in his training, the most intuitive he’s ever had. Without the use of his left arm, he’ll need something he’s used to if he wants to keep up with her. He fixes Riku with a look. “Riku, you have to figure something out to bring her back. Please. Even if it means I die.”

“Oh, it will!” Aqua springs forward with a high axe kick, Terra catching it on his high guard and hurling her back. Chasing, he meets her in the air with an upwards blow that she springs off of, landing on the beach light as a cat. They exchange blows, one chasing the other again and again, trading position and safety time after time. It’s taking everything he has to keep up with her after how badly Riku managed to wound his body in the battle with Xemnas. “Looks like you’ve still got something left, Terra! Could it be that you really did love me back after all? Does it break your heart to see me like this? Because it’s _your fault_ that I’m here!”

“I know that.” Terra grunts when they hit a stalemate, her fist blocked on the flat of his blade. He knows in that moment that he’s got nothing left, every ounce of his strength spent now to buy time. This is it. “I’m sorry, for everything. I ran from you, fell into the dark and you saved me from my mistakes.”

“That’s right. I saved you, and you owe me so very much.” She leans closer, that hideous smile blooming across her expression again. “And I can’t wait to make you pay.” Aqua reaches around his guard and plunges a hand into his shoulder, hurling him back with a shove. He tumbles across the beach in a spray of blood, coming to a halt on his knees. When he looks up, he sees his keyblade in Aqua’s hand as she stalks over to him. Bending, she places a finger under his jaw, tilting his face up to look at her. Running it along his jawline, he sees a flash of something on her face that is gone as quickly as it came. Regret? Sadness? He doesn’t know.

“I’m sorry.” Terra says, voice weak.

“I know.” She says, straightening and tightening her grip on his blade. “Goodbye.” She raises Ends of the Earth, and he closes his eyes.

“Stop!” A voice Terra hasn’t heard in 11 years shouts.

Ventus. He made it. Terra can’t move, has nothing left, but he hears something heavy hit the sand next to him. He opens his eyes, finding his keyblade planted in the sand next to him. Sees Aqua next to it, turned away from him. And there, on the beach, is a boy who is not Ventus, burning with light next to Riku. Brown hair, black clothes. And yet, he can hear the same notes in his voice, so similar, and something about the way he walks. Wait...is that the kid from the Destiny Isles? Sora?

“Aqua, this won’t make anything better.” He says, striding up the beach to them both. “You gotta come home, remember?”

“What? No. No, it can’t be. Ven?” Her voice cracks, disbelief plain.

“You promised.” Sora, or maybe Ven says firmly. “You were going to bring Terra home. We’d all make it back together. So let’s go.” He stops just short of Aqua, holding out a hand.

“No...Ven, I...I’m sorry, I couldn’t, I—”  Aqua hunches, clutching her head in both hands.

“It’s okay!” Ven-Sora advances, putting his hand up on Aqua’s shoulder. “Aqua, you’re alive, that’s what matters. But you gotta come home and so does Terra. You’re part of my heart, and Terra is too. That’s what it means to be friends. So...I need you to be okay.” He smiles. “I wanna stand under the same sky as you guys again.”

That sets off something in her, a full-body convulsion that ends in her falling to her knees. “He, he ruined my life, I can’t just—!” Aqua gasps for breath, shaking. “He didn’t mean to. But he’s why I was down here. I can’t, I can’t, I _can’t!”_

_(“Terra.”_

_“I know.”_

_“..._ Terra _. I’m serious. You can’t believe anything I said, then.” Aqua sighs. “This isn’t me. It’s...it was me, when I was sure I was going to die down there. But...it’s not how I feel anymore.”_

_“I know.” He kisses her, his hand gripping her own harder all throughout. She wants to believe he knows it, so badly. But the look in his eyes says that it’s still getting to him, even now.)_

“Aqua.” Ven-Sora kneels next to her. “You know that Terra cares about you more than anyone else in any world. If he could have been here before now, he would have. And I would have, too. But you don’t have to stay here with your sorrow and your hate anymore. We can get you out. But you have to let go.”

“Please.” Aqua sobs. “Just make it stop. I don’t want to feel like this anymore.”

“Okay.” Ven-Sora stands, a simple keyblade manifesting in his hand. Pointing it at Aqua, a beam of light strikes her in the back. And just like that, she falls to the sand, darkness burning off of her like steam. Terra closes his eyes again, relief and exhaustion both pushing him into sleep.

_(There is a kind of catharsis in knowing something about yourself that you had never realized, that would have hidden in your blind spot for the rest of your life._

_This...really isn’t like that. But she would rather know than be haunted by not knowing the rest of her life, for Terra to be haunted by knowing it and being afraid of sharing it with her._

_Terra trails off there. There’s not much left to tell, it would seem. It’s not hard to put together the pieces from there. He wasn’t there when she woke up in the realm of light, on the beach of the Destiny Isles. Her wayward home, returned to after so long gone. And when she asked if they had found Terra or Ventus yet, everyone looked strangely sad. Maybe this is why Sora wanted to go with her._

_Both of them know the rest._

_“I’m sorry.” Aqua wipes her eyes with a hand, smiling despite how she feels. “It feels like I’ve said this a lot, lately.”_

_“I know. You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Terra kisses her forehead._

_“You’ve said that a lot lately, too, and you’re wrong every time. I tried to_ kill _you, Terra. I’m never not going to be able to apologize enough for that.” She returns the gesture, kissing him and digging her fingers into his shoulder._

_“Okay, okay.” Terra smiles softly, and looks like he means it. “Are we okay? Do you...” He trails off, unsure._

_“As okay as we can get, right now. It’ll get better.” Aqua pulls herself closer to him. “No more nightmares would be a nice start. Just try to sleep, for now.”_

_“Okay.” He nods, his forehead brushing against hers as he shifts as close as he can to her. Neither of them wake up after that until morning.)_

* * *

Their last day in Castle Oblivion, Terra helps Ventus outside, meeting Aqua at the entrance hall.

“So, this is it?” Ven says, leaning on Terra’s arm. He can walk and run short distances now, but with how labyrinthine the castle has become Terra ended up carrying him for most of it, to Ven’s weak protestations. Passing back through, Terra was struck by how much he’s grown used to the sterile white walls, the way sound echoed within them. Ven said _‘good riddance’_ to it all when Terra expressed as much while they passed through the halls. Maybe Terra is less willing to say goodbye because he knows what they’ll be returning to.

“This is it.” Aqua nods. It’s been a few days since their heart-to-heart in the night. In the meantime, she’s assembled a reasonable facsimile of her old outfit since then from what she had at hand and old spares. The same can be said for Terra and Ven, their clothes remade for the new changes to height and weight all of them have gone through. It’s sweet, Terra thinks, but makes him feel strange. Like he’s a kid again, wearing whatever clothes they could scrounge on trips with Master. Aqua has two keyblades with her, hers and Master’s. A messenger from Radiant Garden came by a few days ago,  returning some things they found in the castle that he said would belong to Terra. Aqua’s armor and Rainfall, and Terra’s Wayfinder, found in Xemnas’ old quarters. He hasn’t taken it off since then. “Once I break the enchantment, the castle goes back to how it was when I found it.” Aqua leaves it unsaid what the castle was like when she found it. Shattered, torn apart by Xehanort’s darkness. A bit like all of them, now.

Aqua meet’s Terra’s eye, raising an eyebrow and tilting her head without speaking. He knows the unvoiced question and nods. He’s okay. If he can’t take seeing this, the smallest monument to his failures, he doesn’t deserve to be a part of what’s coming.

“Okay.” Aqua nods in turn, settling into a low stance before raising Master’s Defender and pointing it at the castle. The beam of light that strikes the door grows brighter by the second, expanding in width and pouring across the entire castle. The permanent cloud cover overhead sparkles with motes of light, vanishing bit by bit to reveal night falling over the castle, a sea of stars blanketing the sky. Wherever the light touches, the landscape shifts back to how they remember it; the castle of gold and cream stone, the courtyard of the same, the mountains in the distance returning into focus from behind a grey fog that shrouded the world. The parts that had been swallowed by darkness before Terra’s eyes return now as rubble and debris. The courtyard around them is littered with stray stones and broken earth buckling the central platform up in places. The east wing of the castle is demolished, and the west is only clinging to life.

“What the hell…” Ven breathes from Terra’s side, his eyes wide. “What happened?”

“Xehanort happened.” Terra closes a hand to a fist, then relaxes it. “We’re going to be okay. I won’t let this be the last monument to Master.” He’s not sure why he said that. Maybe for himself, he supposes.

“ _We_ won’t.” Aqua sets her keyblades aside, meeting Terra’s eye again. “This is our home too, remember?”

“Yeah.” Terra nods. Ven is silent, staring up at the night sky.

“We really made it, huh?” Ventus finally says, blinking away tears. “We’re all home again. Together.” Terra puts a hand on his shoulder, smiling and wiping his eyes with the other. Aqua steps closer to them both, pulling them both to her in a tight hug. They all found their way home. The Wayfinder in Terra’s pocket worked after all. He found his way back to the only people he loves more than anything else in the world.

The last thing they do before they leave for the last step of their final journey is build a simple monument to Master. His keyblade, driven into the earth of the courtyard and adorned with all three of their Wayfinders. After all, they don’t have to worry that they will be lost anymore. They’ve been found, and won’t lose each other ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unsure if I want to invest time and energy into doing a roundup of changes for what would have gone differently at the Keyblade Graveyard. This is still a Nobody Dies/Disappears AU so everybody's gonna be intact at the end, just some stuff about the details and angst shit will be a bit different. I may save it for awhile. We'll see.


End file.
